


You Make It Sound So Easy

by WhisperOfWarmth



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Boys Kissing, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Eventual Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Getting to Know Each Other, I Ship It, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, One True Pairing, Star Wars - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:29:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24746863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhisperOfWarmth/pseuds/WhisperOfWarmth
Summary: Ben Solo’s classmate and neighbor Armitage Hux is, without a doubt, the most annoying person that Ben knows. Quiet, serious, and a straight-A student, Ben is positive that he and the red-headed nerd share nothing in common.Then one day, Ben learns a secret about Hux that makes him infinitely more interesting, and the relationship between the two evolves to a surprising level.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo
Comments: 36
Kudos: 93





	1. Chapter 1

Ben Solo sighed as he turned the corner of his block. Normally he didn’t mind taking his dog Chewie for walks, but this evening was a bit annoying. The old brown dog seemed more interested in sniffing everything than actually peeing; and Ben had a movie paused back at home that he wanted to continue.

As he skirted around the old postal box, he had to do a double take, on what he saw coming down he street towards him.

Walking in his direction, with his annoying red hair and boring face, was Armitage Hux. That in and of itself wasn’t unusual; what WAS strange was what he had walking on the end of a bright pink leash.

Ben was lucky in that Chewie was older and mild-tempered, so he didn’t attack, but still.

“Okay, I’ll bite: why in the FUCK are you walking a CAT??”, Ben asked, as the two came close to one another.

“You curse a lot, you know that?”

“Never mind my cursing. Just please tell me why your CAT is on a leash.”

“Why is your DOG on a leash??”

“Because I’m walking him. Because _normal_ people walk _dogs_ , that’s why.”

“Okay but who’s to say what’s normal and what’s not? Millicent’s been getting a bit heavy lately, so I decided to train her to walk on the leash. We’re not in anyone’s way, so I fail to see what the issue is.”

Ben just sighed and shook his head. “You know what? I don’t have time for your weirdness right now. You and Milton have a great night, okay?”

“ _Millicent,_ not Milton. She’s a girl.”

“Right. See ya,” Ben said, then he and Chewie kept on towards the house. He didn’t know why he had bothered to say anything at all; that guy was just so freakin’ **strange**.

Ben and Hux had been neighbors since grade school, and occasionally had the same classes as one another, although they were hardly what one would call “friends”. Ben was highly energetic and had a somewhat compulsive personality, whereas Hux had always been very quiet, very serious, very reserved. Hux acted and spoke like somebody who was decades older than 16. He made no secret of the fact that he felt Ben just reeked of immaturity, and Ben didn’t hide that he couldn’t stand Hux’s stick-up-his-ass attitude.

The two tended to avoid each other, which, unfortunately, wasn’t quite so easy to do. Aside from being neighbors, aside from being in the same school, their fathers were good friends. Oftentimes the two men would go places (like the local baseball games) and drag their sons along. Ben and Hux would make extremely awkward, forced conversation for the benefit of their dads, then at the end of the ordeal each would breathe out a long sigh of relief ... then promptly return to pretending that the other didn’t exist.

Much like Ben was doing right now, walking away from the cat-walking weirdo.

“Chewie, please; if I ever get to the point where I’m walking a CAT on a leash, please tear my throat out with your teeth, end it for me.”

Chewie looked up at him, tilted his head ...

... and proceeded to lift his leg on Ben’s shoes.

“Oh, come on, Chewie!”, Ben exclaimed, wiping his foot sideways in the grass. “That’s it; no treat for you when we get home.”

— —

Friday night, and Ben found himself alone for dinner; his little sister Rey was at a sleepover, and his parents were out with friends.

As was often the case when Ben was hungry, he decided that only something fattening and greasy would quell his appetite. So he drove out to Zori’s, a small restaurant located in the downtown district.

But when Ben got there and walked in, he was unpleasantly surprised to find that the small place seemed to be chock-full of hungry people at the moment.

“Sir, I’m afraid all of our tables are full at the moment. However we do have a single guest who just came in; would you be opposed to sharing a table?”, the hostess asked him anxiously. She was likely scared; Ben’s face often carried with it an air of cold anger, even when he didn’t want it to. As one of his friends once said, “You always look like you’re ready to murder someone at the drop of a hat.”

Ben sighed. He really should just go somewhere else ... but this place made better burgers than any of the fast food places in town, and that was what Ben was craving. “No. If they’re cool with it so am I.”

The host left, then came back a few moments later, smiling. “Right this way, sir.”

Ben followed her, and nearly fell over, when he got a look at the occupant of the table.

The other guy looked none too pleased, either.

“Looks like my horoscope was right today,” Hux muttered, as Ben slid into the booth across from him. “It warned me against leaving the house.”

Ben scowled and quickly scanned the back of the menu, to give the waiting waitress his drink order. After he told her cherry Coke, he said, “What kind of loser goes out to eat all alone?”

“Am I mistaken, or aren’t _you_ here alone, too?”

Ben just shook his head and scanned his menu. “You’re a bit too late for the Early Bird special, Mr. Hux,” he said, mockingly.

“And you’re too early; I heard they don’t serve douchebags until after midnight.”

Ben chuckled at that and laid down his menu, having decided what he wanted. “Touché, Armitage. So really, why are you here? Your dad not home or something?”

“He’s home. He went to bed already; apparently he’s getting up at 4am tomorrow to go fishing with YOUR dad.”

“Oh, shit; I forgot about that! That’s not something they’re taking US on, too, is it?”

“I already told my dad I had a lot of homework to do, so no.”

Ben breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank God. I couldn’t handle being sea-sick AND Hux-sick all day tomorrow.”

“Same here.”

The two boys fell to looking quietly at their phones, until Ben noticed that it seemed like an awful lot of time had passed since they’d last seen the waitress.

“Who do I have to kill to get my drink already?”, Ben grumbled, a bit too loudly for Hux’s taste.

“You really should learn to be patient with things, Ben.”

“Huh? I AM patient! We’ve been waiting for fuckin’ DRINKS for fifteen goddamn minutes! How much more patient could I possibly BE?!”

Hux sighed. He stood up and went to the podium, speaking to the server about their dilemma. By the time Hux sat back down, a new waitress was there, hastily setting their sodas on the table.

“I’m so sorry; your waitress had to leave suddenly and I was supposed to pick up your table and it just slipped my mind.”

“No worries,” Hux replied, with a smile. “You’re really busy, huh?”

She nodded and proceeded to tell Hux about her hectic day. Within a few moments Ben cleared his throat pointedly, and Hux gently interrupted the lady, saying, “I think my friend and I are about ready to order, Miss.”

After she left with their orders, Hux fixed Ben with a glare and said, “Seriously, have you ever thought of going to anger management classes or something? It can’t be healthy walking around so mad all the time.”

“Oh, fuck you, Armitage. Have YOU ever thought of getting some help?”

“For what, exactly?”

“You walk around all the time like ... like Mr. Rogers or something shit. Always friendly, always nice. Don’t you ever just want to scream? Don’t you want to get mad? You’re literally the most repressed mother-fucker I know.”

“I’m a bit angry right now, actually. You were just rude to that lady. Waitresses have a hard enough job as it is without asshole customers like you. And I find rudeness to be abhorrent.”

Ben slammed his fist down on the table. “You don’t like rude people! Just SAY IT LIKE THAT; why do you have to throw big words into every fucking sentence?? This is exactly what I’m talking about! If you’re mad, then **show** that you’re mad! Punch me in the face or something!”

Amazingly, absurdly, Hux started to laugh. He threw his head back and laughed like he had just heard the funniest thing in the universe. Ben stared at him, amazed yet fuming. How dare Hux laugh at him?

He was about to really lay into Hux when, out of no where, Ben found that he was laughing too. It started as a chuckle and escalated into a can’t-breathe throat gallop. The two were shrieking hard enough so that all of the other diners were now looking at them, but neither could seem to stop.

Hux managed to break off first, and he said, while using a napkin to wipe tears from his eyes, “Punch you in the face? Your nose would shatter my fingers! Are you trying to get me to break my hand?”

“Yes. And I’ll be the first one to sign your cast, you stupid ginger asshole,” Ben retorted, using the edge of his shirt to wipe the moisture from his own eyes.

That outburst from them seemed to ease some of their former tension, and once the food came out they were able to fully relax and enjoy themselves. Ben even surprised Hux by apologizing to the waitress “for being a dick.” Ben was able to hold back on commenting on how Hux ate, in his opinion, like an old man; and Hux was able to refrain from saying something about the way Ben just shoveled food into his mouth like an animal.

At the end, while they were waiting for the check, a couple of teens came into the diner and while they were waiting to be seated one of them, a boy, looked over at Ben and Hux’s table, and made a beeline to them.

“Hello, Armitage.”

Ben was surprised that Hux’s already pale face got even whiter, as the redhead slowly turned around to face the guy.

“Oh ... hi ...”

“Isn’t this a cozy setting,” the boy said, his eyes darting back and forth between Hux and Ben. “And what a switch; you usually don’t pick them so big and tall, do you?”

“Um ... um ... this is just a friend. Well, my neighbor. We’re —“

“No explanations needed. I have eyes, I can see. Is this what you meant by ‘time to work on myself’? Interesting.”

“No ... it’s ... we’re really just —“

Ben stared at the guy, confused. What was going on? How did he know Hux? And why was he acting so strangely??

“Hey, asshole; you’re SUPER irritating standing there. Hux looks like he doesn’t want to talk to you, so how about you get the fuck away?”

“Oh, so you just wanted a new boyfriend that’s a thug,” the guy said, addressing himself to Hux.

“What the fuck? ‘New boyfriend’? Are you calling me _gay_?”, Ben asked, his fists clenching. He slowly rose up to his full height, and his death-stare was in full force. The other guy went pale, at seeing Ben’s anger.

“No offense meant,” he said, avoiding eye contact with Ben. To Hux he said, “See you around, Armitage,” and he went to rejoin his own group.

When he left, Ben sat back down. “What was THAT??”

“Nothing,” Hux replied, only now instead of pale, his face was bright red. The waitress brought out their check, and Hux grabbed it before Ben could even look at it, mumbling about how he’d pay it.

Once they were outside, Ben went on: “What the fuck did he mean ‘new boyfriend’?? Hux ... are you ...”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Ben,” Hux said, still not looking Ben in the eye. He balanced his to-go container on top of his car as he unlocked his door. “You have your own car here, right? You don’t need a ride home?”

“Yeah my cars right there,” Ben said, pointing across the street. “But Hux, wait; I want to talk about —“

“I’ll see you at school on Monday, okay?”, Hux cut him off, giving him a large (false) smile before closing his door and taking off. He had forgotten his container on his roof, and it flew off and smashed to the ground in Hux’s wake. Normally Ben would have laughed himself sick over such a stupid thing ... but Hux’s behavior had him too confused to give a reaction. Ben stood there staring after him for the longest time, still mystified about what was going on.

The next day, Saturday, Ben woke up early and went downstairs. Both his parents were gone already; his father and Mr. Hux were gone on their fishing excursions, and his mother had gone over to the grade school to help set up for the rummage/bake sale she had helped organize. Rey had spent last night at a friend’s house, and today they were going to an amusement park, after which she would be picked up by Leia.

So Ben had the day to himself, and he was glad. He would make himself breakfast and laze around for a few hours, watching tv. Eventually he would force himself into the shower, then take off. He would call up his friend Phasma and see if she wanted to go to the movies, maybe hit up the mall —

In the midst of his mental planning, one person kept coming to mind: Hux. Hux, and what had happened last night.

“He said he didn’t want to talk about it,” Ben said to himself, his voice seeming too loud in the still, empty house. “So just ignore it. Shit; why do I care about what’s going on with that weirdo, anyway?”

But he was having a hard time convincing himself of this.

So he went to take a shower earlier than intended, then he put Chewie on his leash and took him on his morning walk around the neighborhood. He looked up constantly as he did this, half-hoping to see Hux out walking that ridiculous cat of his; but nobody else was around.

After Chewie’s walk, Ben took him back home, then stepped out the door again, heading in the direction of Hux’s house.

When he got there, he paused outside the door, hesitant to ring the bell. Why the fuck was he there, anyway? Why couldn’t he just leave this alone?

He finally nerved himself up to push the bell, when suddenly, the door was pulled open.

“I knew you would show up here eventually,” Hux said, sighing. He pulled open the door and indicated with his head for Ben to enter. “Come on; let’s get this over with.”

Ben stepped inside. As always, the house was in pristine order. Ben had to wonder which Hux took the time to clean it, although his money was on Hux the younger.

Ben sat down on the couch and reached up to pet Millicent, who was draped over the back of it. Hux sat down a few spaces away from him, and right away the cat jumped down into his lap, purring contentedly.

“I know you have questions,” Hux said, keeping his eyes on the cat. “So go ahead, ask.”

“Okay, well, about that guy. I’m going to go ahead and make the assumption that you two dated, or something?”

Hux nodded.

“So you’re ... gay, then?”

When Hux didn’t answer, Ben went on;

“It’s ... it’s not big deal if you are, Hux,” Ben said awkwardly, fidgeting with the strings of his hoodie. “I mean, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.”

Looking up at him, Hux questioned, “If that’s true, then why did you get so angry when you thought Rick was calling YOU gay?”

Ben blushed and looked down at his feet. “I think ... I think I was just surprised, is all. Plus I was already angry; he was getting on my nerves.”

Hux nodded. After a few silent moments, he looked up at Ben and, taking a deep breath, explained, “Rick is my ex. We dated for almost two years. I broke up with him just before the new semester started. To answer your question ... I honestly don’t know if I’m gay or not. I mean, I still think girls are pretty, but ... Rick is the only person I’ve ever dated. So ... “, he trailed off, shrugging.

Ben nodded. “Does he go to our school?”

Hux shook his head. “No. He goes to Carmel High.”

“Wait a sec ... you seriously dated for **_two_** _years_?? Why have I never seen you with him before?”

Hux shrugged again, looking back down. “We kinda kept it a secret. Like, his parents are super-religious and they dont believe in same-sex relationships, and my dad ... I have no idea how he’d react if I told him.”

“Can I ask why you broke up?”

“You’re going to say I’m using unnecessary ‘big words’ again, but, it was because he was emotionally abusive. Aka a jerk. And if I wanted to date a complete jerk, I’d have asked YOU out a long time ago,” Hux said, to which Ben chuckled.

“Unfortunately for you, Hux, I’m WAY out of your league,” Ben said, teasing him. “But seriously, wow. I’m shocked. Here I thought you were the most boring person imaginable and you’ve been living a double life for two years. Impressive.”

“Thanks,” Hux said, giving Ben a small smile, “But living a ‘double life’ isn’t as glamorous as it sounds. It’s walking around almost all the time with a stomachache that sooner or later someone will find out, and they’ll tell other people, and then EVERYONE will know about you.”

“Well ... you don’t have to worry about that with me, okay? What you do, or who you like, is YOUR business, not mine. And I don’t plan on going around telling your business to other people. So don’t worry.”

“I appreciate that, thanks.”

Ben nodded, and stood up. “I’m gonna head out, then. Saturday is calling.”

Hux nodded as well, and stood up to see Ben to the door. When Ben got there, he stepped out onto the stoop, then turned around and asked,

“What are you doing today?”

Hux shrugged. “I don’t know. I should probably start on that book report that’s due on Thursday. Maybe some laundry.”

“Jesus H. Christ, Hux!”

“What?”

“Homework and laundry. _On a **Saturday.**_ Is it possible for you to be any more annoying??”

“What’s wrong with having good grades and clean clothes?”

“Hux ... its ... you’re ...”, Ben stopped short, feeling frustrated. Instead he switched directions and folded his arms across his chest. “I’m going to go back home and grab my keys and my wallet. Then I’m driving back over here, and you’re coming out with me.”

“Huh? To where?”

“I have no idea. But you can’t just sit here all day doing bullshit things. That’s why you’re so damn pale, you know; you don’t get enough air or sunlight.”

“Ben, can I be really honest with you right now?”

“You’re about to tell me that just because we had a small ‘bonding’ moment or whatever you still don’t exactly like me, right? Well too bad. I’ll be back in like 10 or so minutes, so be ready,” Ben said, and then he was racing down the sidewalk before Hux could protest.

— —

“Put on your seatbelt.”

Hux did so, observing “You REALLY don’t seem like the type concerned with safety.”

“I’m not. But see if we hit something and you go through the windshield, then I’m liable for your death and stuff. I don’t have time for prison.”

“Why not? You get three meals a day, a bed, access to reading material, exercise —“

“Yeah but I’m not too keen on the whole anal thi—“, Ben started to say, then abruptly stopped himself, blushing. “Oh, um, shit, sorry; I don’t mean any offense.”

But Hux was chuckling. “Say whatever you want, don’t worry about offending me. I have a thick skin.”

“So I can ask more questions then?”

“If you want.”

“Okay, like, if you’re with a dude, how do you know who does what? Like how do you know which one of you takes the place of the girl?”

“Ideally, Ben, NEITHER is the girl. That’s the whole point of being with a boy, isn’t it?”

“But like there’s literally nothing cute about guys. Dicks are weird, balls are gross, and guys don’t have boobs. One of the best things about life are boobs.”

“You think penises are weird? _Vaginas_ are weird! It’s like a mouth between the legs. Doesn’t that freak you out?”

“Well, I’ve only ever seen one up close, so no.”

“Really?”

“Yep. You probably know Phasma, right? I mean you’ve probably seen us at school. She’s the tall blonde girl, like a little taller than me.”

“Phasma? I didn’t know you two dated.”

“We don’t. Never did.”

“No?”

“No. We both decided that we didn’t want to be virgins still before high school ended, and since neither of us is even close to being in a relationship, we just decided to do it with each other.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. I mean it was kinda weird but it was fun. And after, there’s none of that stupid emotional crap, you know? When we were finished we took turns taking a shower and then we went to Denny’s.”

“And that was it?”

“Yep. And we’re still friends. We still hang out all the time. There’s no jealousy, no attachment, it’s just an experience that was shared by two close friends.”

Here he paused and glanced sideways at Hux. “I’m trusting you to keep your mouth shut on that, by the way. If I ever hear you talking to other people about me and her, I’ll kick your ass and then I’ll kill you.”

“Why would I tell anyone else that??”

“Just making sure we understand each other. It’s different for girls, you know, when other people hear that they’ve slept with someone that they’re not actually dating. They can get called some pretty nasty things. And I don’t want people talking shit about her because of me.”

Hux was quiet for a while, and then, “I don’t think I could do that. I get too attached to people. I couldn’t _just_ sleep with someone.”

“So ... did you and that guy —“

Hux nodded. “Yes. I almost wish that we hadn’t, though.”

“Why not?”

“I’ll tell you some other time, Ben. I don’t really want to talk about it now,” Hux said, running his fingers back through his hair. Then he changed the subject and said, “So where are we going anyway?”

“Well, I figured I owe you for paying for the food last night. So I thought we’d go to Dave and Buster’s. Food AND games, what could be better?”

“No.”

“No ... what?”

“No we can’t go there. **I** can’t go there, okay?”

“What the hell? WHY? Or is this going to be another of your ‘I don’t want to talk about it, Ben’ deals?”

Hux sighed. “I guess I can tell you. Um ... I’m banned from that place.”

“What the fuck?? Are you serious?”

Hux nodded. “Yeah. Um, that guy yesterday, my ex, he took me there once. His cousin is a bartender, and he was slipping Rick drinks. Rick got really drunk and decided to start a fight with this guy he said was flirting with me. Everyone in the fight got banned, even me, even though all I did was try to pull Rick off the guy.”

“Oh my God, Hux! Your double life goes even deeper than I thought. That’s insane.”

Hux just shrugged. “Yeah, so, I think D&B is a no-go. Sorry.”

Before Ben could suggest something else, his phone rang. He asked Hux to answer it and put it on speaker.

“Ben?”

“Hey mom.”

“Where are you at right now?”

“I’m driving around with Hux. Why?”

“I need you to do me a favor and go pick up your sister.”

“Why? I thought she was going to Arnold’s today?”

“She’s there with the Calrissians but Lando called me to tell me Rey is sick, she keeps throwing up. They’d just bring her home themselves but they’re using that special pass they’ve been saving and I don’t want them to have to waste it.”

Ben sighed. “You can’t go?”

“I’m stuck at this sale until at least 8. We’re ridiculously busy. Please, Ben?”

“Okay, okay. I’ll go get her and stay with her till you or dad gets back, alright?”

“Thank you, baby. You said Hux is there too?”

“Hi, Mrs. Solo,” Hux spoke, grinning.

“Hi darling. I’m sorry to interrupt your guys’ day. I’ll make it up to you: Ben, at home in my room, top of the dresser is my credit card. Order yourselves some pizza or something, okay?”

“Wings too? And cheese sticks?”

“One or the other, kid; don’t push it,” Mrs. Solo said sternly. “I’ll call later to check on Rey. Bye boys,” and then she hung up.

Ben heaved another long sigh. “Looks like that’s that. You want me to take you home first?”

But Hux shook his head. “Of course not. I’d be irresponsible, leaving a defenseless child alone with the likes of YOU. Plus that pizza sounds promising.”

— —

“If you feel like you’ve gotta puke, aim in there,” Ben said, looking nervously back at his sister in his rear view mirror. “I just cleaned it out in here.”

“Ben. Really?”

“What??”

“The kid is sick. I’m sure she can’t help where she throws up at. Right, Rey?”

Rey nodded, looking miserable. They had picked her up at the entrance of the amusement park, and right away Ben had given her an old ball cap that was under his seat, as a makeshift garbage can.

“So why are you feeling sick? Did you eat something funny today?”

“I had a funnel cake and popcorn and mac n cheese and a taffy apple and a grape slushie and chili fries and a corn dog and chocolate —“

“No wonder you feel sick, Rey,” Ben interrupted her, shaking his head. “You’ve been eating nothing but junk, and I bet right after you went on those fast rides, didn’t you?”

Rey nodded again.

They reached home quickly, and Ben got out and went to the backseat, to pick Rey up and carry her in the house. The age gap between the two siblings was almost a decade long (Ben was 17 and Rey was 8 and a half), but it was obvious to Hux that despite how gruffly he spoke to her, Ben really loved his little sister.

“Okay,” he said, setting her down. “You go change out of those clothes and put on some pajamas or something. Then I’m gonna give you some Pepto Bismul, okay?”

Rey nodded and went to her room, Chewie on her heels.

Hux sat at the kitchen table and watched Ben rummage through the cabinet above the sink. “She’s lucky they make this shit in good flavors for kids now,” Ben commented, pulling out the bottle. “When I was a kid it was that horrible chalky crap.”

“Beeeeen!”, Rey called out. “I did it again!”

Ben rushed into the room, dismayed to see that Rey had vomited on all over her covers. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he said to the crying child, trying to sound soothing. “It’s alright. Here,” he said, holding out her little flowered nightgown to her. “You change, and I’ll get you another blanket.”

Rey, sniffling, did as she was told, and Ben managed to successfully get her into a clean bed.

Hux, however, heard him cursing loudly not more than five minutes later, and went to find him in what appeared to be the Solo’s laundry room.

“What’s the matter?”

Sheepishly, Ben explained, “I need to wash this blanket of hers but —“

“Let me guess; you’ve never touched a washing machine in your life.”

Hux sighed and measured out a cup of soap. “Put it in,” he instructed, then he poured the cup over the soiled blanket. Closing the lid, he explained, “Its big so you’ll want to pick the “Bulky” setting.”

He turned the dial and hit start. “See? Easy as pie.”

Ben smiled. “Speaking of pie ... what do you like on your pizza? And if you say ‘plain cheese’ I swear to God I’m never speaking to you again.”

“You promise?”

“Hux —“

“Okay, okay; um, I like pretty much anything except mushrooms or anchovies.”

“So pepperoni is fine?”

“Yep.”

“Okay. I’m gonna get wings, too; do you like bone in or bone out?”

Grinning, Hux replied, “There’s nothing like having a big bone inside of you.”

Ben’s face went completely red, and he nearly choked on the gum he had been chewing. Hux saw this and started to laugh himself silly.

“Oh my god, your face! I swear I was KIDDING, Solo!”

Still furiously blushing, Ben replied, “Where was this sense of humor during all those games we had to sit through with our dads??”

“You really think I’d say something like that in front of my DAD?”, Hux asked, shaking his head. He headed for the living room and called behind him, “By the way, it’s not considered proper etiquette to keep a hungry guest in your home. So maybe hurry and order already, hm?”

— —

About an hour later found them sitting in front of the tv, food spread out in front of them. Ben had gotten up to use the bathroom, when he came back, he brought his math book with him. He figured that as long as Hux was there, he may as well ask for help on his assignment.

“You DO realize the irony of this, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“Earlier you said I was lame because I was planning on doing homework and laundry on a Saturday. Yet here YOU are, doing homework and laundry. On a Saturday.”

Ben scowled. “This is different. I was forced into this, I wasn’t going to _choose_ it like you were!”

“Same difference.”

“Oh ... just eat your pizza and shut up, Hux,” Ben grumbled, before aggressively biting into his own slice. “A real friend would just help me, here, no questions asked.”

“Didn’t realize we’d graduated to ‘real friends’, but, okay,” Hux agreed, pushing his plate aside. “What do you need help with?”

Ben opened to the page in question, and Hux began going over some of the more difficult problems with him, when a small voice from behind startled them both.

“Can I have some pizza?”

It was Rey, having come out of her room, Chewie at her side.

“Doesn’t your stomach still hurt?”

Rey shook her head. “Nope. Please?”

Ben sighed and put a small piece on a plate for her. “Here. Just one. You’ve already eaten a ton today and I don’t need you puking on anything else.”

Rey nodded and happily took a bite of her slice. She had climbed up on the couch, positioning herself in the middle of the two boys. “What’s this?”, she asked, pointing at the tv.

“A very scary movie, kid. Maybe you should go to your room.”

“I don’t want to. It’s lonely in there.”

“Then take Chewie with you.”

“Jeez, Ben,” Hux interjected, shaking his head. “The kid just said she’s lonely; would it kill you to let her stay out here with us?”

“Easy for you to say; you’re not the one who’s bed she’ll be climbing into when she has nightmares from this shit.”

“Does he always use such bad language around you?” Hux asked Rey, grinning down at her. This girl was truly adorable; she almost made Hux wish that he had a sister of his own.

Rey nodded, and, disregarding what her brother said earlier, reached down and took another piece of pizza.

“My daddy says Ben has the toilet in his mouth.”

“You mean ‘potty mouth’?”

“Yep. Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Why is your hair orange?”

“Genetics, mostly.”

“What’s that?”

“It means, my mother had red hair, so I do too. YOUR mom and dad both have brown hair, so you do, too.”

“How come Ben has black hair?”

Hux shrugged. “Maybe he’s an alien?”

“Are you an alien, Ben?”, Rey asked, her eyes wide.

“Could be. Or maybe it’s just that I look like grandpa.”

“Grandpa had yellow hair! Not black!”

“I mean I’m tall and handsome like grandpa, Rey. Jeez.”

Rey started to reach down for a third piece, but Ben pushed her hand away. “Good god, that’s enough, kid.”

He picked up the remote and handed it to her. “You turn on something to watch so Hux can help me with my homework, okay?”

“Are you guys going to kiss?”

“W-What??”

“Mommy was watching tv and there was a boy and a girl and the boy had a brother and he told his brother to watch tv and then the boy was watching tv and they kissed when he wasn’t looking. Are you guys —“

“No!”

“No, Rey, we’re not going to kiss,” Hux said, smiling at her. “If we do I’ll give you a warning, okay?”

“Okay,” Rey said, and Ben picked her up and switched her out with Hux, so the two could sit closer when looking at Ben’s book.

“What the hell do you mean, you’d give her a warning?”, Ben hissed at him in a whisper, once Rey was absorbed in a show. “What the fuck makes you think I’d ever kiss you?”

Hux whispered back, “Again, relax; it was a JOKE, Benjamin.”

“Didn’t sound like a joke.”

“Well it was. You’re not my type. Now what part are we working on?”

— 

About half an hour later found Ben and Hux through the majority of Ben’s problems, and Rey with her head on the armrest of the couch, sound asleep. Her feet were in Hux’s lap.

“I think that’s enough nerd shit,” Ben said, yawing and closing the book. “Can you put that blanket in the dryer for me?”

“I don’t want to wake your sister —“

“She’ll be fine. She sleeps like the dead.”

Hux cautiously moved first one, then the other of Rey’s small feet off of him, and, like Ben said, she didn’t so much as flinch.

Hux showed Ben the proper setting on the dryer, and started it. 

“See? Totally easy.”

“Thanks. Hey, can I ask you something?”

They were moving towards the kitchen now, and Ben was pulling out a tub of ice cream from the freezer. 

“Yeah?”

“Why aren’t I your type?”

Hux blinked, surprised that Ben would ask that. “Can I have some of that ice cream?”

“If you answer the question first.”

Hux sighed. “What do you care? You’re not into guys regardless.”

Ben pulled a second bowl from the cabinet and began scooping out some ice cream for Hux. 

“I’m just curious. I thought guys who like guys, like ALL guys.”

Hux frowned. “It’s kind of insulting that you think that. Gay or straight or bi or whatever, EVERYONE has preferences. Nobody just likes everyone.”

Ben pushed the ice cream across the table to him. “Sorry; but like I said, I’m curious.”

Hux picked up his spoon and sighed. He took a small bite of his ice cream before responding, softly, “You’re too much. Everything about you is too much. And I’m not a lot at all, so it would be an uneven balance.”

“I’m too much? What does that even mean?”

“You’re ... you’re outgoing, and funny, handsome, you have a lot of friends, you’re not afraid to speak your mind, you —“

“Wait ... I’m handsome?? You think I’m —“

“I’m NOT hitting on you, so don’t freak out,” Hux said, blushing. “I’m speaking objectively.”

“So all of that makes me ‘too much’? And what the fuck do you mean, you’re not enough? How can you think that?”

Hux shrugged. “Again, I’m just speaking objectively. You say it yourself all the time; I’m just a nerd. And not too many people, girl OR boy, wants to date a nerd. Plus I’m quiet, and I don’t really like going places or being around people, and —“

“At least you’re _smart_. At least, when high school is over, you’ll be able to get out of here and go to college and BE something, you know?”

“Oh yeah. I’ll be super rich and live in big fancy mansion ... alone, with a thousand cats. Yippee.”

Ben sighed and shook his head. “God; and I thought **I** was a downer. You need to cheer up, Hux. Get some self esteem or something. That guy ... you said his name is Rick, right? Did Rick fuck with your head so much that you don’t realize how awesome you are?”

Hux went completely quiet, his head low and his eyes fixated on his half-melting ice cream. 

“Shit ... I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have said that,” Ben said, noting how odd it felt to be _apologizing_ for something, and to Hux, of all people. “I’m not your type; we can end the conversation there.”

Hux nodded, although he still didn’t meet Ben’s eyes. This was odd; until this moment, Ben had never quite seen Hux as being a ‘real’ person before. He had always just been the annoying kid down the block, the guy that he would be forced to spend time with when their dads hung out. The guy who raked in the A’s while Ben had to struggle to maintain a C-average. The weirdo who used college-level vocabulary and knew how to do laundry and walked his CAT on a leash.

But clearly, Hux was a complex person. He thought about more and FELT more than Ben would have suspected. And right now, looking at his face and thinking about the things he’d said, it was obvious that he was in pain over his break-up.

“You know what I’m gonna do, Hux?”, Ben finally said, getting up and taking his now-empty bowl to the sink. He began washing it; his mom was pretty relaxed about a lot of things, but for some reason she always absolutely hit the roof over coming home to dirty dishes in the sink. “I’m gonna get you a new boyfriend.”

Hux vigorously shook his head . “No the fuck you’re not.”

“Since when do you curse?”

“Desperate situations call for desperate actions. And you saying you’ll find me a boyfriend is a desperate thing.”

“I’m great at being a wing-man, Hux. Seriously. Let me know what your type is, and I’ll —“

“I’m home!”

Both boys looked up. Han Solo walked in the house, scraping his boots by the front door. Hux and Ben walked out of the kitchen, just in time to see Rey (who had woken up) jump up into her fathers arms.

“There’s my pretty princess,” Han said, scooping up his daughter and holding her in the crook of his arms. “Mommy called me and said you weren’t feeling good. Did Ben take care of you?”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Of course I did! I even washed her blanket!”

“YOU washed something? I guess miracles really do happen.”

Noticing Hux for the first time, Han smiled and said, “Hey there, Red. You know, you boys are lucky you didn’t come. I swear there wasn’t a single fish in that whole damn lake.”

“My dad didn’t catch anything either?”

“A really wicked sunburn, but no fish. It’s a shame; I was looking forward to some fried catfish tonight.”

“It’s called a grocery store, dad. Ever heard of one? I heard you can catch all kinds of fish there, and the only bait you need is the green paper in your wallet.”

Before Han could retort, Hux was grabbing his jacket from over the back of the couch. “I think I’m gonna get going home.”

He was out the door and down the sidewalk before Ben could comment, and Han said, “You should take a cue from your friend, there, Ben. Brendol was telling me how he got straight A’s on this last semester’s report card.”

Ben sighed but didn’t comment. Neither of his parents seemed to understand how much he struggled with his school work. Some people just aren’t born smart, and Ben felt he was one of those people.

But Hux —

Not only was he smart, but he had a surprising (if hidden) sense of humor, he was kind, and, although he didn’t seem to think so, he wasn’t really all that bad looking.

 _Objectively_ speaking, that is.

Ben spent a good deal of the night running through every boy in school that he knew liked other boys, mentally trying to find a match for his wiry red-headed “friend”. 

Why?

He had no idea. 

All he knew was that something was preventing him from just leaving this situation alone.

—

“Hey.”

Hux looked up in surprise, popping his earbuds out. It was the next day, lunchtime, and Hux was, as always, sitting by himself at a small table in the very corner of the cafeteria. He was reading a book and listening to music, and had been completely unprepared to see Ben in front of him, plopping down his tray with a smile. 

“Ben? What the heck are you doing here? This isn’t your lunch period!”

Ben shrugged and began opening up one of the millions of ketchup packets on his tray, to spread over his fries. “I’m cool with Norris,” he explained, pointing to the security card that checked student ID’s. “Why aren’t you eating?”

“I AM eating.”

Ben looked over Hux’s tray skeptically. On it was a half-empty bottle of a Starbucks drink from the vending machine, and a pre-packaged container of mixed fruit from the serving line.

“You’re way too skinny to be on a diet,” Ben commented, before picking up a large handful of his fries and shoving them into his mouth.

“I’m not on a diet. I’m just not hungry. Is there a reason you’re stalking me?”

Swallowing his fries, Ben leaned forward and lowered his voice, saying, “As per our conversation yesterday —“

“No, no no no. I don’t want or need your help, Solo.

Ben lifted up his hamburger and took a big bite. A tiny bit of mayonnaise squirted out and landed on the front of his shirt, which he clumsily wiped up with a napkin he grabbed from Hux’s tray. “Aw, come on, Hux. It’ll be a lot easier for me to help you if you tell me your type.”

“Why can’t you mind your own business about this?”

“Hell if I know. Maybe I’m bored, maybe I get off on helping sad-sack cases like yourself. At any rate, it’ll be a lot less painful if you’d just cooperate.”

“You’re not really one to talk, Ben. I mean, it’s not like YOU have a _girlfriend_.”

“I’m single by choice, though. But you ... you just strike me as the type who needs taking care of.”

“ **I** need taking care of?? You can’t even figure out a washing machine on your own!”

“ _Anyways_ , what are you into? Tall boys, short boys? Skinny, fat, black, white, Asian boys? Blondes, brunettes, redheads? Gimme something to work with.”

“Tall, pale boys with black hair, moles, and a really big dick.”

Ben promptly started to choke on his fries, and Hux burst out laughing.

“Oh my god!”, Ben exclaimed, spitting the ruined remains of his food into a napkin. “Why the fuck would you say that shit??”

“To make you uncomfortable. Most people get up and leave when they’re uncomfortable. Did it work?”

“You can sit here and fantasize about my dick all you want, but I’m not giving this up.”

“I wasn’t fantasizing —“

“Come on, Armitage! Let me hook you up! I guarantee I can find you Prince Charming in like, a second.”

“I’m seriously starting to miss the days when you just ignored me.”

“What about that guy?”, Ben asked, pointing across the room. “His names Dan, he’s in my history class. He’s into dudes, he’s not ugly, and —“

“No.”

“Why?”

“Not my type.”

Ben gave an exaggeratedly loud sigh and leaned back in his chair. “Jesus H. Christ, Hux. You’re such a pain in the ass. Can’t you work with me here?”

“I don’t want to work with you. This whole idea of yours is ridiculous.”

“But I’m just —“

“You’re just trying to help me, right? Because you got it somewhere in your head that I’m like, lonely or something. Well thanks, I appreciate your weird concern, but I’m absolutely fine. I’m not lonely, I’m not depressed, I’m not anything sad or negative. Alright?”

“But —“

Lowering his voice to a near whisper, so much so that Ben had to lean forward to hear him, Hux continued,

“Besides, you’re overlooking something critical, Benjamin. Dating Rick was EASY, because it was a secret. We didn’t go to the same school or know each other’s classmates or friends. But if I dated someone here, EVERYONE would know about me. I wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret. And I’m not ready for that.”

Ben sat quietly for a few moments, digesting what Hux had said. 

“It’s 2019, you know,” Ben said eventually, softly. “It’s not like this is the 1950’s. People are more accepting than ever of different preferences.”

Hux said back, just as softly, “Well, what if I went full-out and declared myself gay, and then I meet a girl that I really like and want to date. Then everyone would say I’m a hypocrite.”

“Then say you’re bi, or pan.”

“Wait ... you know what pan is?”

Ben scowled. “I’m not a fucking idiot, Hux. I know what pan is.”

“I didn’t say you were an idiot. But okay, what if I say I’m bi or pan, but it turns out I really AM just into guys? Then what?”

Ben sighed. “Why ‘declare’ yourself as being anything? Why don’t you just try and date who makes you happy, and forget about labels?”

“You make it sound so easy, you know that? I wish I could have that mentality. I wish I didn’t over-think everything so much. I wish —“

“You wanna go see a movie after school?”, Ben interrupted him abruptly.

Hux blinked in surprise. “Huh?”

“A movie. They’re really big pictures put up on a really big screen. Do you want to go see one after school?”

“ ** _Why?_** ”

“I’ll pay for tickets if you pay for popcorn. I think that one new movie is playing, the one about —“

“But why?”

“This is my way of saying this subject is closed until you want to open it again. Come on; I know you’re creaming your pants to get out of here and french-kiss your homework, but I think it can wait a while.”

Hux sighed, and at that moment, the bell rang. He stood up and began gathering his things together. “I have to be honest; I’m still on the fence about this whole ‘friends’ thing, Solo.”

“So is that a yes or no to the movies?”

“Would you still go if I said I was going to full-on grope you in the dark?”

Ben grinned. “See, now I’m used to your sense of humor, so you can’t freak me out, asshole.”

Hux shouldered his backpack. “Only if you drive. You’ll have to follow me back to my house so I can drop my car off; I don’t have enough gas to make it to the movies.”

“Deal”

—

“Oh, SHIT.”

Ben looked at Hux, startled. It was about an hour after school, and the two had just found seats at the local movie theater. They were a little late getting in (because Ben spent ten minutes trying to find a coupon on his phone that he was ‘positive’ he had for a free drink) and they were sitting in the middle of the previews for upcoming movies. They got seats down on the floor, at Hux’s insistence, even though Ben preferred the nose-bleed seats.

Hux had looked at the door to the side, and his heart stopped: It was Rick.

Rick was there, with a group of his friends. Rick had somehow spotted Hux right away, and gave him a mocking little wave before he and his group went to take seats a few rows behind Ben and Hux.

“Oh my god this is humiliating,” Hux murmured, sounded depressed. “Rick always said that if we broke up I’d go everywhere alone, like a total loser.”

“What the fuck?”, Ben hissed, glaring at Hux in the dark. “Am I invisible or something? I’m sitting right fucking here!”

“Shut up, Ben! You —“

Ben reached across the seats and grabbed hold of Hux’s hand, much to the latter’s shock. “What the hell are you _doing_?”

“We’re gonna make that guy think that we’re dating.”

“Huh??”

“The best way to get revenge on an ex is to let them see you with a new, _hotter_ boyfriend. Duh.”

“Hotter? What have you been smoking?”

“Come on, I’m a thousand times sexier than that dude! He has a face like a drowned rat!”

“And _yours_ is any better??”

Ben scowled and gave Hux’s hand a painful squeeze. “Work with me, douche. Now you already told this guy that we were just friends, so we’ll have to do a lot of acting to convince him that things have changed.”

“This is stupid. He’s probably not even looking at us. Let go of my hand!”

“I GUARANTEE he’s watching us right now. Okay; lean over close and pretend you’re whispering something in my ear, so I can giggle or some shit.”

Hux did as told, only what he said was “If you don’t let go of my hand I’m dumping this damn soda in your lap.”

Ben let go, only now he used his long arm and put it over Hux’s shoulders. Hux cringed, but didn’t move away. 

“I absolutely fucking hate you, you know that?”

Ben smirked. “You must; I’ve never heard you use so many bad words before. But guess what? Ricky-boy is REALLY staring at us now.”

Hux slowly turned his head and chanced a glance behind them. Ben was right, Rick WAS watching the two of them, and quite hard.

“How far are you willing to take this little charade?”

“Uh —“

Before Ben could say anything else, Hux leaned over and kissed his cheek. Ben felt himself blush from head to toe, and was thankful it was dark, so that Hux wouldn’t see.

_Oh my God ... why are his lips so soft?? Boys aren’t supposed to have soft lips!_

“I didn’t say you could do that!”, Ben hissed at him, earning him a few “Shh!”’s from the people closest to them.

Hux shrugged. “And I didn’t say you could hold my hand, or put your arm around me. So we’re even.”

Without pausing to think about what he was doing, or why, Ben turned Hux’s face towards him and kissed him _on the lips_. Hux was so shocked that he didn’t even seem to breathe, during those few seconds.

“ _Now_ we’re even,” Ben replied when he pulled away. He tried to sound smug but in reality he was breathless ... and a tiny bit turned on. He had never kissed a boy before, and something about the act, the new, different _strangeness_ of it, was exciting.

His small arousal turned into a veritable flame when Hux leaned close and whispered, “You wanna go into the bathroom real quick? Let me show you something I can do that no girl could possibly do better?”

“Hux ... I genuinely can’t tell whether you’re kidding or not anymore.”

Hux studied his face for a few moments, and to Ben it seemed that he was in two minds on what to reply. Eventually he returned to normal and said, somewhat gruffly, “I was kidding. Obviously. Forget the acting; let’s just watch the movie, okay? And if you try and kiss me like that again my fist is going into that stupid nose of yours.”

Ben nodded, and the two watched the rest of the movie without incident. Hux seemed to completely forget that Rick was behind them, and Ben ...

... Ben was confused, on why he had done what he had done. This guy ... this was Armitage Hux, for christssake. The guy he couldn’t stand. The weirdo, the loser from down the block. The boring, upright asshole.

_Then why in God’s name do I want to kiss him again?? I’m not ... I don’t even like guys! ..... Do I?_

He was so wrapped in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed when the movie ended, and it took Hux shaking him quite a bit to get him up and moving.

They made it to the lobby when Rick approached them from behind.

“Well, Armitage; looks like you’re as much of a liar as ever,” he said, slowly. “‘Just friends’, my ass. How could you —“

“Get the fuck away from him before I knock your bitch ass out,” Ben growled at him, advancing on him. Ben was quite a few inches taller than Rick, and outweighed him to boot. “You fucked up letting him go. He’s mine now, and if I ever see you so much as LOOK at him again, I swear to God, I’ll kill you.”

Before Rick could retort, Hux had his hand on Bens arm and, with surprising strength, was yanking him out the doors and to the car.

“What the hell?? Let go of me! I’m sick of that asshole and I’m gonna —“

They were at the car now, and Hux burst into laughter. He was laughing so hard that his face was beet-red and he couldn’t breathe.

“What the fuck —?”

Still laughing, Hux managed to get out “I — I can’t — I don’t want to be banned from ANOTHER place because two dudes are fighting over me!”

Ben started to laugh now too, and he unlocked both doors, letting them in. “We weren’t FIGHTING over you! You’re not mine to fight over, stupid!”

The ride home was mostly silent, with each boy really thinking over the events of the day. Ben dropped Hux off with his usual jokes and commentary, but inside, he was unsettled.

The next morning, when Ben woke up, he knew instantly that something was wrong. His back ached, all of his muscles felt sore, his throat hurt, and his head felt like it weighed 50 pounds.

“You’ve got a fever, baby,” Leia told him, sitting on the side of his bed after taking his temperature. “No school for you today. Give me a second and let me call into work, so —“

“You don’t have to call into work, mom!”, Ben said, feeling annoyed. “I’m not two, I can stay home by myself!”

Leia smiled and patted her son’s cheek. “Alright. Then I’ll go get you some medicine and water, and —“

She went on for a bit, about what she was giving Ben and how often he needed to take it, but in truth he was barely listening. He was so tired and all he wanted to do was sleep.

By 9am, Leia and Han had both gone to work, and Rey to school. Ben spent the day drifting in and out of a restless sleep, and by the time his mother returned home (with medicine for him), he felt miserable and exhausted. Leia wouldn’t allow Rey to get close to him, so Rey pulled up one of her chairs to his open doorway and read him one of her story books “to help him feel better”.

The next few days were much the same, with Ben floating in and out of dreams. He had more symptoms now, too; his muscles ached, his chest and throat hurt, his head felt ‘foggy’, and he could only breathe out of one nostril at a time. Friday morning, however, he was met with a surprise.

Feeling a little better, he was sitting up in bed for a change, reading, when he glanced up and noticed Hux standing in his bedroom doorway.

“What the fuck?!”, he exclaimed, trying to hide how startled he felt. “How did you get in here??”

Hux grinned. “I just saw your dad in the driveway; he said I could come in and see you.”

“Wait ... it’s like 10 am. Why aren’t you in class?”

When Hux didn’t answer, Ben’s eyes grew wide.

“Oh my God ... did you really skip school?”

“Y-yes.”

“ _Seriously_?? Hux, I’m so impressed! My respect for you has just gone through the roof!”

Hux blushed. “Thanks, I guess. Anyway, I was starting to worry about you, since you haven’t been to class. I brought you your assignments,” he said, laying a thick stack of papers on Ben’s end table.

“And just like that, the respect is gone.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” Hux said, in his dry way. He pulled up Ben’s desk chair to his bedside. “So ... can we talk?”

“About?”

“About Monday. About what happened at the movies.”

Ben looked down at his covers, biting his lower lip nervously. “Fuck. I was hoping you’d forget about that.”

“I was hoping I’d forget that, too. But ... but it’s literally been _all_ I’ve been able to think about, Ben. And I just ... I don’t want to freak you out, or mess up our friendship, or whatever the heck it is we have, but —“

“ — but that kiss didn’t feel as weird as it _should_ have, right?”

Hux nodded. “No, it didn’t.”

“But still ... I’m really sorry about that, either way. I mean you kissing my cheek was one thing but me kissing your lips was something else. I should have asked before I just forced that on you.”

“It’s okay, it wasn’t anything like —“, but here Hux stopped, and to Ben’s surprise his face looked like he might _cry_.

“Like —?”

Looking Ben in the eye, Hux confessed, in a low voice,

“You kissing me felt natural. It wasn’t like ... like when Rick would kiss me. He’d grab my face so hard it hurt, and kiss me as long as he wanted. And if I told him to stop, if I said I didn’t want it, he’d say that ... that I was a tease, that I was unfair and a selfish boyfriend.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Um, not to get too personal, but ... but sex was the same thing. But what I’m trying to say is, I think I’ve been thinking about YOU kissing me because it felt so _different_ , you know? Different and ... nice.”

Ben was quiet for awhile, taking that in.

“I wouldn’t use the word ‘nice’. I’d still say ‘weird’.”

“Weird?”

“Yeah. But good weird. Because Hux, I can’t stand you. You’re ridiculous and annoying and ... and when I kissed you, I really wanted to do it again. And I can’t fucking understand _why_.”

“You think I’M ridiculous and annoying? You’re a thousand times worse than me! But ... but if I’m being honest ... I liked it when you kissed me. And I wanted you to do it again, too.”

“Then come here,” Ben said, his lips puckered. He was clearly teasing Hux, but Hux didn’t seem to realize that.

“That’s probably not a good idea. Did you know that, statistically, 90% of all communicable diseases are passed primarily through —“

“Hux.”

“Huh?”

“Right now I really want to kiss you. Do I have your permission?”

“Y-yes.”

Ben sat up, pulled Hux’s face forward, and gently kissed him. He had time to marvel again at how _soft_ the guys lips were ... and to smile, at his dreamy yet characteristic worried expression.

“You’re such a dick,” Hux mumbled, when Ben let him go. “Now there’s no way I’m not getting sick!”

Ben shrugged. “Worst case scenario you’ll miss school a few days, nerd. And you know what? If we’re actually going to make anything happen with us, you’ve gotta learn to loosen up a little.”

Grinning, Hux leaned over Ben and whispered, “Don’t worry; I’m only tight where it matters.”

Ben blushed, and looked down at his blankets. There was that strange, staticky feeling again, of being both confused, and a little turned-on. “Aren’t you going to add ‘Just kidding!’?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

Hux shrugged, and stood up. “Beats me, Solo. Now, your voice sounds a little scratchy, so l’m going to go make you some tea, okay? Be right back.”

“Okay. Um, Hux?”

“Yeah?”

“Um, I don’t ... I mean I know for sure I’m not gay. But I also know for sure that I feel something for you that’s hard to ignore. Do you feel like that too?”

Hux smiled, came back, leaned over, and hugged Ben. Hux’s arms were almost as soft as his lips, and having them around him made Ben feel pleasantly warm and comforted.

“It sure looks that way, Ben.”

“Then ... Hux. Do you want to try dating?”

“Even though you can’t stand me?”

“Yeah. And ... and I think that I want to hold your hand and stuff at school. I don’t want to hide that we’re together. But if you’re not ready yet, then —“

Still in Ben’s arms, Hux took a deep breath, and said, “Maybe it’s time I stopped hiding myself, too. But we’d have to take it slow. And there’s no way in hell I want to tell our parents yet.”

Ben smiled. “Agreed. Hey; you smell really good. I can smell you through the stuffy nose, even.”

“Thanks! You smell like Vapo-rub and cough drops. Not altogether unpleasant.”

He left the room, and Ben found himself with the biggest smile on his face, as he thought,

_Hux promised Rey that we’d warn her if we were gonna kiss. Looks like the kid is going to be getting a LOT of warnings, now._


	2. Chapter 2

Ben was so nervous that his meal didn’t taste like much more than sawdust to him. Which was a shame, because his mom’s turkey lasagna was his favorite food in the world.

It didn’t help that Hux, who was sitting to his left, kept catching his eye and giving him the same nervous expression.

Ben and Hux had been dating for a good amount of time, now, and the two of them (mainly Hux) felt it was time to tell what was going on to their respective families. And tonight presented the perfect opportunity; Ben’s dad and Hux’s dad had spent the day working on/rehabbing the old fishing sailboat they had recently bought together, and towards evening, Leia had invited the Hux’s to stay for dinner.

“Pretty soon our yacht will be complete,” Han was saying to Leia, teasing her. “Then me and you are ditching the kids and sailing to Bermuda.”

“Bermuda? I’ll be shocked if you two can sail that rickety old thing halfway across the lake before you drown!”

“I have something to say. Mom, dad, Rey, Mr. Hux ... um ... there’s something I want to tell you all.”

It was Ben who blurted this out, and everyone turned to look at him.

“What is it, baby?”, Leia asked, as she wiped up a bit of milk that Rey had spilled.

“It’s actually about me and Hux.”

He glanced at Hux, and Hux gave him a nervous smile, and added, “Ben and I — well, he and I are — are —“

“Spit it out, kid,” Han said, downing another swig of beer. “Brendol and I have a game to watch, and Mrs. Solo won’t let us go until we finish this slop.”

“Slop?? Do you have any idea how long I —“

“Leia, your husband is a liar. This is fantastic,” Brendol cut in, smiling at Ben’s mom. “Ben, Rey; how would you kids feel about having me as your new dad? Because I’m about to steal your mom away.”

“Will you get me a kitten?”, Rey asked, and Han sighed. “Really? That’s all it would take for you to ditch me, kid? And you’re my favorite, too!”

“What the fuck are you all talking about?? Can we get back to what I was trying to say, please?”

Leia reached over and smacked Ben, hard. “Language!!”

Ben yelped, and Hux, sighing, pushed back his chair and stood up.

“Okay, everyone; I’m just gonna come out and say it. Me and Ben are dating each other. We’ve been going out for almost two months.”

A shocked silence fell across the room, and nobody knew what to say.

Eventually, Han said, 

“Ben ... you’re _gay_?”

“Er, Rey,” Leia said, getting up and beginning to shoo Rey from her chair. “Go and watch tv for a while, okay?”

But Ben shook his head. “No, don’t do that. She’s part of this family and I want everyone in this family to know, because I’m not gonna hide this anymore. Rey, do you know what gay IS?”

Rey nodded confidently. “Yeah. It’s when a boy kisses a boy, right?”

Ben smiled and nodded. “Kind of, yeah. Do you know what ‘bisexual’ is?”

“No?”

“It’s when, if you’re a boy, you like to kiss girls AND boys. Or the same if you’re a girl. That’s what I am.”

“And you kiss Hux?”

Ben nodded. “Yeah. Do you understand?”

Rey nodded. “Yeah. It’s okay; I like Hux. Mommy can I have cake now?”

Ben smiled, at how quickly Rey seemed to accept things. But the adults ...

“Dad,” Hux said, addressing his father, “I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time. I’ve been like this for a long time. But I didn’t want you to be angry or disappointed in me.”

Brendol shook his head. “Armitage ... nothing you could do would ever make me disappointed in you, okay? You don’t have to be scared to tell me things about yourself. You’re my son and I love you.”

“Same goes for us, Ben,” Leia joined in, putting her hand on her son’s arm. “Your dad and I love you, and all we want is for you to be happy.”

“You’re using condoms, right?”

“Han!!”

Rey looked around the room at the embarrassed faces, confused. “What’s cond—“

“Rey, I think it’s time for that cake!”, Leia said quickly, getting up from her seat. “Come help me get the plates for it, okay?”

“Okay!, Rey agreed happily, scrambling down from her chair and racing into the kitchen after her mother.

“No but seriously, Han is right,” Brendol said once the girls were gone, lowering his voice. “Armitage, we’re going to have to have a talk about safe sex.”

“And we’re gonna have to set some ground rules for you both. Like no sneaking out past curfew to be together, no —“

“Relax, dad,” Ben said, rolling his eyes. “Hux is such a dork he couldn’t break any rules if he tried.”

“Better a dork than a jackass,” Hux retorted, which set all four of them to laughing.

“Well, dorks or jackasses or whatever, Bren, I think we need another beer to celebrate: our kids are finally getting along!”, Han proclaimed, cracking open another brew.

Brendol chuckled and said “Somehow, this isn’t the kind of ‘getting along’ I had in mind, Solo.”, and the group laughed once more.

— —

“Are you seriously going on about this still?”

“Yes! Because today was the last day Killer Kanines was in this theater! Now if we see it we’ll have to drive all the way out to that shitty place in Denvale!”

Hux rolled his eyes. “Aw; we won’t get to see a cheesy CGI movie about overgrown mutts? That truly breaks my heart, Ben.”

Ben scowled. “You ALWAYS pick the movie, Hux! You always think what I want to see is stupid! That crap YOU picked today was stupid!”

Hux sat in Ben’s desk chair with a sigh. It was Wednesday night, and the two had just come home from a date at the movies. But Ben, of course, had found something to complain about, regarding the picture that Hux insisted they go to.

“How was it stupid? It was a beautiful piece of historical fiction!”

“They weren’t even speaking English!!”

“Oh, I get it; you’re mad because the subtitles forced you to READ. I’m sorry; I forget how traumatic using your brain is for you.”

Ben sat on his bed and began pulling off his shoes. “Oh, fuck you, Hux. You know, you may be my boyfriend and all, but I swear I can’t stand you sometimes.”

“So you hate me, huh?”

“Pretty much.”

“And you hate everything I do?”

“Looks like it.”

“You’re sure? There’s nothing I can do that you’d like?”

Ben laid down on his bed and closed his eyes. “Exactly. Go home, douche.”

“Are we all alone right now?”

“Kind of. Dad took those painkillers for his back, so he’s completely knocked out. And mom and Rey went to visit my uncle, they won’t be back until tomorrow.”

Hux smiled, then went to lock Ben’s door.

“What are you doing? Didn’t I just tell you to go home?”

“You did. But first I have to do SOMETHING to make you not hate me.”

“Like what? Spontaneously combust?”

“No, but I bet I can set YOU on fire.”

Ben opened his eyes, but before he could ask what Hux meant, Hux was climbing over him, his slender body making a pleasant weight on Ben’s.

“Do you like it when I do this?”, Hux asked, kissing the tip of Ben’s nose.

“No.”

“No? What about this?”, he asked, kissing Ben’s cheek.

“Sorry; not doing it for me.”

“Gee, you’re a hard one to please. Okay, what about THIS?”, Hux asked, giving Ben a startlingly erotic french kiss.

“Holy shit —“ Ben choked out, when Hux let him go.

“Aw, you’re still not happy? Okay, then ... do you like _this_?”, Hux asked, before gently tugging on Ben’s earlobe with the tip of his teeth. Hux didn’t know it but Ben’s ears were erogenous zones for him; if Hux kept that up any longer, Ben would have been helpless putty in his hands.

“Y-yeah.”

“What about this?”, Hux asked, laying slow, gentle kisses along the arc of Ben’s neck.

“God that feels good,” Ben confessed, his eyes closed and his head tilted all the way back. He opened them when he felt a sudden nip, and frowned. “Really, asshole? A hickey?”

Hux smiled and hugged Ben. “Just marking my territory.”

“Since when did I become your territory?”

“Since I discovered how beautiful _these_ are,” Hux murmured, before kissing Ben’s full, soft lips again.

The two continued to make out, Hux still positioned on top of Ben, when suddenly he pulled away and asked, “Is this turning you on?”

“Nope.”

“You sure? Because I swear I feel something that wasn’t there before,” Hux said, bouncing lightly on Ben’s lap for emphasis.

Ben blushed. “You don’t have to point it out, you know.”

“Hey, so ... so I know you’ve only had sex with one girl, but um ... do you think you might want to try —? With me?”

“Are — are you gonna laugh at me, if I say that I’m really nervous?”

Hux climbed off of him and shook his head. “I’m not going to laugh. I’m nervous, too.”

“But why? I mean, this isn’t new for you, you’ve done it with a boy before.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m not still nervous. Sex is a really big step in any relationship, that requires a firm commitment and emotional maturity and —“

Ben groaned and put his arm over his eyes. “You talking like a fucking textbook is really killing my boner, here.”

“Sorry; old habits.”

“But ... okay, who does what? Like, do I put it in you, or do you put it in me, or do we take turns, or —“

Hux pushed him back and climbed over him again. “You’ve got a lot to learn, Solo,” he said, unbuttoning Ben’s shirt. “Luckily, you’re with an excellent teacher.”

Something about Hux saying that, and being so suddenly in-control, REALLY turned Ben on. Hux smiled when he felt just _how_ aroused Ben was, and began kissing him, again. But a small part of him was terrified; even just sitting on him, not even seeing it yet, Hux could tell that Ben was substantially bigger than Rick had been. Would he be able to —

But no time for that now; they were both too charged up to turn back. So instead of revealing his hesitation, he merely smiled, and let himself sink into his boyfriend’s lips once more.

—

“Where are you going?”

Hux looked over his shoulder at him. He’d thought Ben had fallen asleep but he was awake, his large dark eyes looking out at Hux from underneath the messy sweep of his hair.

“I’ve gotta get home. Actually I’m late; it’s a school night and my curfew is 10:30. It’s almost midnight.”

Ben glanced at the clock in disbelief. Had so much time really passed? 

“I don’t want you to go.”

Hux finished pulling on his pants, and was now shrugging into his shirt.

“But you’ll see me tomorrow, Solo. In about six hours, actually.”

Ben sighed. “Is your dad gonna be mad at you for being so late?”

Hux shook his head. He was moving around the room now, collecting his things and returning them to his backpack. “No. I told him me and you were working on a project and I might be later than usual.”

Ben grinned and said “Best project I’ve ever worked on.”

Hux smiled as well, and sat at the edge of Ben’s bed, by his head. He gently ran his fingers through Ben’s hair, saying, “I don’t know; the model of the solar system I worked on in sixth grade was pretty awesome. But I _guess_ this was okay, too.”

“You’re an ass, Hux. But fine, go home. Whose turn is it to drive, me or you?”

“I think you did enough ‘driving’ tonight,” Hux said, with a smirk. “So I’ll come get you.”

Ben sat up a little. “Hey; before you go, there’s two things I wanna ask.”

“What are they?”

“Okay, the first: did I hurt you at all?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, did I hurt you? Was I too rough, are you sore at all, anything like that?”

“You didn’t hurt me. Actually, for it being your first time with a guy ... you were really quite impressive.”

Ben’s face flushed pink. “R-really?”

“Really.”

Ben’s sweet smile was enough to light up the entire room. “Okay, then, second question. Um, if I said something to you, and I was being completely serious ... would you freak out about what I said?”

“It depends on what it is, Ben.”

Taking a deep breath, and not looking at Hux, Ben said, softly, “What if what I wanted to say ... was that I love you?”

“Do — do you want an honest response to that?”

Ben nodded. “Yes.”

“Okay. Um ... me and you have known each other our whole lives, practically. And we’re dating now, and we’re starting to learn more things about each other. Personal things. And, well — Ben —“

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to say it back if you don’t want to,” Ben interrupted, speaking gently. “I mean, I’m gonna keep feeling the same either way.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to say it. But if I do, then this,” he said, gesturing back and forth between himself and Ben, “Is REAL. And if it’s real that means I can’t take it back, that I could never take it back, no matter what you say or do to me. And you could use that to ... to hurt me.”

Ben blinked in surprise. “You think that I would hurt you?”

Hux sighed. What he was thinking was difficult to articulate, and he didn’t want Ben to get the wrong impression about what he truly meant.

“Can I tell you something _really_ personal? Like, something I’ve never told anyone, and after I say it to you, I’ll probably never say it again?”

“Yes.”

“Okay ... my ex. Rick. He ... I found out he was cheating on me almost six weeks before we broke up.”

“Oh, babe —“, Ben murmured, softly, patting Hux’s back. “Seriously?”

Hux nodded. “Yeah. And not just with one person. And not just with other _guys_. I — Ben you SWEAR you won’t tell anyone else this? Or freak out?”

“I swear.”

“I ... there was a time when I thought I might have an ... an STD. Specifically, Hepatitis B. Because Rick slept with this girl who had it. And I had my friend take me to one of those free clinics in another town, so that no one would know me, to get tested.”

“Oh my god ... I had no idea ...”

“Yeah. I had to wait three days for results, and each of those days, Ben, I wanted to die. I thought about taking pills, I thought about driving to that one bridge and jumping off — I just felt so awful. So _stupid_. I kept thinking I was so young and I might have something that I’ll carry for the rest of my life, all because I didn’t have the guts to leave a guy that didn’t respect me enough to stay faithful to me.”

Ben hugged him tighter, trying his best to hold back the tears he could feel wanting to break out, at Hux’s obvious pain.

“I didn’t leave the house at all those three days. Told my dad I was sick so I didn’t have to go to school. Cried a lot; I don’t think I’d cried so much since my mom passed. But then finally the lady called me and ... I was lucky, I tested negative, but — anyway I broke up with him the day I got my results. But I always felt like a fucking idiot, staying with him even when I KNEW —“

Here he paused, and let out a shaky sigh.

“I’m never going to say that I love someone again, until I’m 100% positive that I won’t be hurt again. I’m not saying I don’t trust you and I’m not saying that I think you’ll hurt me, but ... do you get at all where I’m coming from?”

Ben nodded, and then he reached out and pulled Hux into his arms. “I get it. And I appreciate you telling me these things. I’m really glad that you feel like you can trust me, babe. Two MORE things to tell you; I’ll never cheat on you, and you have a really cute ass.”

Hux smiled at that. “Really?”

Ben traced his finger across Hux’s lips. “There; I was hoping that would make you smile. You go home and get some sleep now.” He put both hands on Hux’s cheeks, and gently pulled him into a kiss. “I’ll see you in the morning, beautiful.”

Hux’s smile got even wider. “Okay. Goodnight, Ben.”

“‘Night.”; and then Hux was gone, leaving Ben sitting up and staring thoughtfully at the wall.

Tonight had been ... intense. His first time being intimate with a boy, the second time in his life he’d had sex, the deep things that Hux had shared with him about his past —

A lot to think about. A lot to process.

Ben had just barely started to graze the tip of all of this, before his exhaustion caught up to him, and he fell asleep with Hux’s deep green eyes on his mind.

— —

“Hey, there, Armie. How’r you feeling?”

“I’d feel a lot better if you didn’t call me ‘Armie’.”

“Sorry. I’d kiss you or something but you look like a hot mess. Plus I’m not trying to get sick.”

“A good boyfriend would tell me that I look incredible, even though I’m sick.”

“Nope. Real relationships are based on honesty, and, honestly, you look like shit.”

It was several weeks later, and Ben and Hux’s relationship was still going strong. Yet although they were more open with each other than before, and they now regularly had sex with each other, Hux still hadn’t said I Love You to Ben.

Which was fine. After what Hux had told him about Rick, it was perfectly understandable why he’d be scared to declare such a thing. Regardless, Ben’s feelings for Hux did not change. There wasn’t a day that went by when he didn’t wake up and think, at some point, that he must have been crazy for thinking that Hux was just some annoying neighbor. He was SO MUCH MORE than that, and he added suc an incredible warmth and depth to Ben’s life that it was almost overwhelming.

Hux had some deep intimacy issues to resolve, and Ben was patiently there for him, while he worked them out.

There for him even when he was down with a cold, like he was now.

“Just for that, I’m going to cough in your face later, jackass.”

“Anyway,” Ben said, opening up his backpack, “I brought you your homework, and the cough drops you wanted.”

“Cherry flavored?”

“They didn’t have cherry, so I got honey instead.”

“Honey? Ugh!”

“What’s the difference?”

“The difference is that honey tastes like sticky lava rolling down your throat! It’s like if I asked you for a chocolate chip cookie and you brought me oatmeal raisin!”

Ben just sighed. “Calm down, Princess. If it’s that big a deal, I’ll go find you some from my house. I’m sure there’s some in a drawer somewhere.”

“No, that’s okay. You tried, I guess.”

“You’re a baby when you’re sick, you know that? I could handle this when we were just friends, but now, your abuse is a bit hard to take.”

“Whatever. Hey, do me a favor; text my dad for me and ask him to bring me home my gray hoodie. I left it in his office and I keep forgetting to ask for it back.”

“I don’t have your dads number.”

“Text him from my phone, pretend you’re me.”

He reached down and slid his phone across the table to Ben. Ben took his phone, and raised an eyebrow.

“Shouldn’t you put in your passcode first?”

“0-2-1-6-6-9”

“You realize this means I can go into your phone? Unsupervised? And look through anything?”

“Go ahead.”

Ben smirked and opened up Hux’s photo album. His eyebrow went up as he scrolled through what seemed like countless pictures of the both of them, together.

“Jesus Christ you’re lame,” he said, softly. “Do you ever delete anything?”

“I only keep the really important pictures.”

“This?”, Ben said, holding up the screen. It was a picture of him, sitting on his bed and playing video games.

“Yes. Very important.”

“And this?”

Another picture, this one of Ben eating spaghetti.

“Extremely important.”

“How?”

“It’s a rarity to catch such beauty on camera, so every time I have the opportunity to do so, I HAVE to take it. It’d be reckless if I didn’t.”

Ben went to him and threw his arms around him, hard. Hux smiled and hugged him back.

“You’re shaking. You’re —are you crying?”

“Shut up.”

“You’re touching me. You know now you’re gonna get sick for sure, right?”

“I said shut up.”

“Okay, but can you let go of me? Or loosen your grip? I can’t breathe.”

Ben relented, but he didn’t fully let go. Instead he cuddled against Hux’s side, and opened up his own phone.

“You’re still touching me.”

“If I have to tell you to shut up one more time, I’ll kiss you to death, I swear I will.”

Hux raised an eyebrow. “How, exactly, is that a threat?”

Ben smiled down at his phone, and chuckled. “Wow. So Facebook says that they’re gonna sponsor a contest, for like, suggestions of things to send into outer space. Winner gets his stuff put out there, plus a free trip to the launch sight, to watch it happen.”

“That’s kinda cool. Speaking of Facebook, though; would you be cool with me putting my status to In A Relationship, then linking it to you? I mean, we’ve been dating for a while, right?”

“You still have a Facebook? God, you’re lame.”

Hux scowled. “So do you, asshole!”

“Yeah but I haven’t been active on it in two years.”

Hux sighed and looked down at his covers. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. It’s just, I’ve always wanted to do that. Obviously I couldn’t do it with Rick because it was a secret, but me and you, we’re not a secret at all.”

Ben blinked, having caught the sincerity in Hux’s voice, and realizing how bad he wanted it. Something so arbitrary, but the act of being open and not having to hide anymore was obviously important to Hux.

“Of course,” he replied, softly. “I’ll update mine, too.”

Hux gave him the smile that made Ben’s heart melt, and happily set about doing this task. When Ben’s phone pinged with the notification, he quickly logged into his own and confirmed Hux’s link, as well as uploading his favorite picture of the two of them (they were at the beach, Hux had buried Ben in the sand and given him sand-breasts and a mermaid’s tail) as a status update.

“Thank you, Ben,” Hux said, just softly. “This means a lot to me.”

Ben leaned over and gently kissed Hux’s forehead.

“So, that space thing. Do you ever think about stuff like that?”, Hux asked.

“Do you mean, have I ever thought about outer space? Or - -?”

“Well, yeah. Big-picture stuff. Life, and death. Or the earth. Do you ever think how weird it is, that we’re all on a rock floating around in a void of nothing?”

“No, I can’t say I have.”

“Or the world itself, and how big it is? So big that you can’t really get a grasp on it?”

Ben put one hand on each of Hux’s cheeks, lightly squeezing.

“Not THAT big. I’m holding the whole world right now.”

Hux blushed and shook his head. “Holy shit. Oh my God, I have to give you kudos for that. That was the smoothest line I’ve ever heard in my life!”

“Also, there’s something ELSE I’ve got, that’s so big you couldn’t get a grasp on it.”

“Says every guy ever.”

Both of them laughed at that. Ben was the first to stop, and he said, timidly,

”You know, sometimes, I can’t see what it is that you like about me, Hux. I really can’t.”

“What?”

“I — I was such a jerk to you, before we started dating. And you know, you’re so smart, and you always have to help me with my homework, and you’re mature and —“, he trailed off, shrugging.

Hux was quiet for a while, before confessing, in a shy voice,

“You know I had a crush on you, right? Almost since we were kids.”

Ben’s eyes went wide. “No you didn’t!”

“Yes, I did. Even though you were mean to me, I always thought you were just so cute. And your personality was so damn infectious ... I actually used to look forward to when our dads would make us go do things with them, just so I’d get to see you.”

Ben put his arms around Hux, and kissed his cheek.

“You say sweet things that I don’t deserve. Which is exactly why I love you so much.”

Hux smiled and patted Ben’s arm — but, like always, he didn’t say I Love You back.

Which ... was ... okay.

Because Ben could wait, and be patient, and have faith that one day, hopefully one day SOON, Hux would be able to say it back with no remorse and no regret and no hesitation.

One day.  
Hopefully.


	3. Chapter 3

“You’re sure you can handle this?”

Ben nodded. “Yep. We’ll be fine.”

“You’re _positive_? Because we can just go some other time, you know?”

“Don’t you have ANY faith in me?”

“It’s not that, sweetheart. It’s just, caring for a child is a huge responsibility. And Rey isn’t one of those sit quietly and watch tv kind of kids.”

Ben sighed. It was Thursday afternoon during his school’s fall break, and Ben was having the same argument with his mother that he’d been having all week.

A few days earlier, Han had won a raffle at work, the prize being a weekend trip to Hawaii. Han thought it was the perfect time for them to go, to get some warmth, sunshine and relaxation just as the weather at home was starting to get cold and rainy.

“Plus the kids are on vacation, and Ben can be home with Rey. Right, kid?”

But Leia hadn’t been so easily convinced. Han had gone ahead and booked their flight and reserved their room; they were set to leave early tomorrow morning and return Sunday afternoon. But Leia was still on the fence about leaving Rey in Ben’s care.

“If I have any problems, which I won’t, but if I DID, Hux’s dad is right around the corner,” Ben said now, still rallying his cause. “Plus you know Hux will be over, and if he’s not the model picture of responsibility, I don’t know what is.”

“Oh, speaking of which,” Leia said, lowering her voice so that Rey, who was watching a movie in the living room, wouldn’t hear, “You know it’s okay if he’s over during the day, but just because we’re gone doesn’t mean any ‘sleep-overs’ will be allowed. And I’m telling Brendol the same thing, so don’t think you can —“

“Yeesh; okay, mom,” Ben interrupted, blushing. “No sleepovers, don’t answer the door for strangers, supervise baths, don’t let her eat a bunch of sugar and junk food, call you every day to let you know we’re alive. Anything else you haven’t told me?”

“Don’t call at night,” Han said, having come in the back door. “Your mother and I will be REALLY busy at night.”

“Busy doing — oh, god!”, Ben exclaimed, upon realizing what Han meant. “Aren’t you guys past all that yet?”

“Nope,” Han said, sitting down at the table. “Did you know a woman hits her sexual peak during her 40’s? This has been a pretty romantic decade for us; we —“

“Dad, seriously. Stop. Or I’m gonna puke.”

“Yes, please stop,” Leia said, although she did lean over Han and plant a kiss on his forehead. “This is serious; Ben needs to be fully prepared for this.”

“Mom, you’re acting like I’m about to be dropped off in a military war zone or something. I’m babysitting an 8 year old kid for approximately 2 and a half days. We’ll be FINE. Promise.”

Leia nodded, then kissed Ben’s cheek. “I know. And I really appreciate you doing this for daddy and me.”

“Do you appreciate it enough to leave us money for pizza?”

Leia sighed. “I’ll leave you money for pizza for ONE day, Ben. But other than that, I’d rather you cook. Rey is a growing girl and she needs real foods.”

“Yeah but what about me? I don’t think I’m gonna grow anymore, so it’s probably too late to be worried about my health.”

“Jesus, Ben; I HOPE you don’t grow anymore,” Han said, shaking his head. “You’re eating us out of house and home as it is!”

“Oh, speaking of eating ... I was in the garage earlier, looking at your boat. There’s a big chunk missing from the left side; do we have termites or something?”

Han’s face paled, and he rushed out of the house to check on it.

When he was gone, Ben started to laugh and Leia shook her head. “Between you and your dad, I don’t know who’s worse.”

“Dad, obviously. I’m a ray of perfection.”

“In what universe?”

— —

“Ben, I’m hungry.”

“Hungry? We just had breakfast like, less than two hours ago.”

“Can I have a snack?”

Ben sighed and got off the couch. Earlier that day, the two had bid goodbye to their parents, who left the house at 6am to drive out to the airport. Leia had, of course, talked herself hoarse all the way out the door, and Ben tried his best to be patient with her. He still thought she was exaggerating this whole thing. 

Ben made Rey breakfast (eggs and toast, both relatively easy), and put on one of her favorite shows for her in the living room while he cleaned up the kitchen. When he was done, he’d sat with her and played with her for a bit, and now, she was asking for more to eat.

“Okay, but it has to be a healthy one or mom will have my ass when they get back. Are one of those carrot stick and ranch dip packs okay?”

“Can I have a juice box too?”

“Yep,” Ben replied, going into the kitchen. He was just getting the items out of the fridge when there was a soft knock on the back kitchen door. 

Ben opened it to find Hux standing there, smiling.

“Oh my god; you look _adorable_! I’ve got to get a picture!”, Hux exclaimed, pulling out his phone.

Ben blushed. Earlier, he had allowed Rey to play “Hair Salon” with him; he had sat on the floor in front of her while she “fixed” his hair. Until this moment he’d forgotten that he still had a plethora of ribbons, barrettes, colorful hair ties ... and, perhaps most damning of all, a set of sparkly pink cat ears, in his tresses.

“Shut up,” he muttered, scowling.

“Is that any way to talk to Daddy? Tsk; you’re rude.”

“Daddy?”, Ben asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah. I thought we’d play house while your parents are away. Rey is the baby, and I was _going_ to say that **you’d** be the dad, but after seeing this fancy hairstyle, well —“

“You’re an ass,” Ben said, and, realizing he’d forgotten Rey’s juice box, bent back over to get from the bottom shelf of the fridge. Hux watched as he did this, giving a low wolf-whistle in appreciation. “Speaking of ass —“

Ben straightened back up, unable to help smiling at that. “You know ‘playing house’ is limited, right? I mean —“

“I know; your mom called my dad and my dad told me. He said I have until 11 tonight to come back home, or else he’s coming to get me.”

Ben shook his head. “I swear it’s like they don’t trust us.”

He headed back into the living room with Rey’s snack, Hux following behind. “Hey, kid, Hux is h—“

He stopped and looked around, confused. Rey wasn’t where he’d left her on the couch.

She must be in the bathroom,” he said, sitting down. Hux sat in the chair, frowning at the tv. “What is this??”

“Oh — Rey’s really into this stuff.”

“Are you serious?”

Ben nodded. Masterchef Junior was playing on the tv, and he could understand Hux’s confusion about it. “She says she wants to be a chef when she gets older. Honestly I think she just wants to eat the food.”

The two sat and watched for a while, becoming completely absorbed, until Ben realized with a start that Rey still hadn’t come back yet.

He got up and went to the bathroom, knocking on the door.

“Are you okay in there?”

No answer. 

He pushed it open to find that it was empty. Next he headed for Rey’s actual room. 

“Rey?”

Not there, either. He looked under the bed and in the closet, but neither spot contained his sister.

A quick look inside his parents bedroom revealed an empty room as well, as did his own.

“Shit!”, he exclaimed, running back into the living room.

“What’s wrong??”

“I can’t find her.”

“What do you mean you can’t find her?”

“I mean she’s not here, Hux! Oh my God, what am I gonna —“

Hux got up and put his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “What you’re NOT going to do, is panic. Stay calm, breathe. She’s here somewhere, and we’ll find her, okay?”

Taking a deep breath, Ben nodded, and then the two split up to thoroughly search the house. They checked under beds, behind curtains. Together they did a wide search of the basement, moving boxes and lifting old tarps and blankets. Ben opened the doors of the washer and dryer, and Hux looked behind the old furnace. They looked in cabinets; Rey was almost 9 years old, but unlike Ben, who took after Han’s tall height, she’d inherited her mother’s tininess. Half the time people mistook her for being 5 or 6, instead of nearly a decade old. And that minuscule stature made it incredibly easy for the kid to fit into small, compact spaces.

At the point, Ben was truly beginning to worry. Where the hell could she have gone? And how was she so _quick_? After all, he’d only left her alone for five minutes, if even that. Chewie was no help; the old dog laid under the kitchen table and sighed as if all the commotion was a bother to him.

And then, Ben saw it.

In their yard was a little tunnel-slide and swing combo set that Han had build for Rey when she was younger. The set was meant for preschoolers, and Rey had lost interest in this in the past few years, but Han was too lazy to take it down.

Sticking out from the bottom of the tunnel slide was a small, pale leg, wearing a pink sneaker on its foot.

At that moment, Hux joined him in the kitchen, and went to see what Ben was staring at out the window.

He smiled. “Wow. That’s pretty crafty.”

Ben let out a sigh, half relief, half frustration. “That shit literally almost gave me a heart attack. When I get that kid I’m gonna —“

“I’LL go get her. You sit here until you’re more under control. Calm down.”

“How am I supposed to calm down when —“

Hux roughly grabbed Ben’s face, and planted a passionate kiss on him.

“Better?”, he murmured, once he pulled away.

“Better, but not the best,” Ben said, wrapping his arms around Hux’s waist. “Is that all you’ve got, red?”

“What does he got?”

Both boys jumped, and Ben let go of Hux. Rey was standing in front of them, looking up curiously.

“Jesus fuck, kid! Are you trying to kill me today?? Why did —“

“Hi, Rey,” Hux interrupted, smiling. “I was so disappointed; I came over to hang out with you guys and you weren’t here.”

Rey pointed out the window. “I was hiding. Ben couldn’t find me.”

“Rey —“, Ben began, as calmly as possible, “The next time you wanna play hide and seek, you HAVE to tell someone first, okay? You can’t just go off and hide, because that scared me. Alright? Understand?”

“I did tell someone. I told Chewie.”

“You know damn well that the dog can’t —“

“You have to tell a human. I speak cat, but I can’t speak dog. Your brother can’t speak dog either.”

“You speak cat??”

Hux nodded. “Yep. My cat Millicent talks to me all the time.”

Rey reached for Hux’s hand and pulled him to the couch. “What does she say?”

Ben shook his head as Rey and Hux proceeded to have an in-depth conversation about talking animals.

_Hux is really good with kids_ , he thought to himself, as he went to get them all something to drink. _I bet he’d make a great dad one day._

When he came back in, Rey said, “Hux said he’d play makeover with me! Will you play too?”

Ben sighed; it wasn’t like he had a choice, now.

“Yeah, yeah. Go get your stuff.”

Rey raced into her room, and Ben explained, “Mom gave Rey a bunch of her old makeup, and Rey practices giving make-overs to dolls. Be prepared; the kid really loves lipstick.”

Hux grinned. “This will be the hottest I’ve looked in months.”

Ben shook his head, leaned over and kissed Hux’s cheek. “I doubt that; it’s hard to improve on perfection, after all.”

— —

Hours later, and things had settled down in the Solo household. Ben, Hux and Rey has taken Chewie on a particularly long walk to the park, to ‘have a picnic’ (really just some sandwiches, chips and juice that Ben packed up for Rey) and for Rey to run around on the playground. Ben had hoped that such a distance and so much activity would wear Rey out enough to take a nap or something once they arrived back home, but his plan didn’t pan out.

What DID happen was that old _Chewie_ became completely worn out, so Ben had to pick him up and carry him all the way back.

When they got back to the house, Ben left Hux and Rey to watch tv while he went to take a shower (he was covered in sweat and dog fur). When he came back out, he told Rey that now was a good time to take her bath for the evening, while he made dinner.

“Do I have to?”

“Yes,” Ben said, running the bath water. “You’re full of sand and stuff.”

“Can it be a bubble bath?”

Ben measured out a capful of bubbles and poured it into the running water, while Rey went to get her bath toys.

Rey insisted that she was too old for Ben to watch her take a bath, so they compromised, with Rey agreeing to leave the bathroom door open part way, and Ben agreeing not to come in but to stand outside and ask if she was okay every few minutes.

“You’re actually washing yourself, right? You’re not just playing around in the bubbles?”

“I’m washing!”

“With _soap_?”

“Yep!”

“Okay. I’m going back in the kitchen. Don’t stay in there too much longer.”

“Okay!”

He went back in the kitchen, where Hux was sitting and waiting for him at the table.

“So what exactly are you making her, again?”

Ben went to the pot on the stove and stirred it. “Mac n cheese with bits of cut-up hotdog and beans.”

“And ... and you’re seriously mixing it all _together_?”

“Yep. Trust me, it’s delicious.”

“Would you be offended if I said I’d rather cut off my right arm than eat that?”

Ben sighed. “Yes. Extremely offended. I mean, come on; when you eat stuff, it all just ends up together in your stomach anyway. So what’s the difference if you eat it all together, too?”

“Have you never heard of presentation? If you were serving this to the queen of England, she’d take one look at it and have you thrown in prison.”

Ben laughed and turned off the flame on the stove; it was done.

“Luckily it’s not FOR the queen of England, it’s Rey. And she loves this shit, too.”

Hux shook his head. “Considering how good of a cook your mom is —“

“Mom is like you; she thinks this is nasty. But dad used to make this for me and Rey back when mom —“

Here he stopped, biting his lip. He hadn’t meant to go that far in his explanation.

“Back when your mom ... what?”

Ben hesitated, then walked to the bathroom door and said, “Five more minutes, Rey; dinner is ready.”

“Okay!”

Ben walked back into the kitchen and sat down across from Hux. “Um, when I was about 11, and Rey was still in diapers, mom and dad separated for awhile.”

“Really? I never knew that.”

“Yeah. They had a big fight and mom walked out. She went to live with my uncle Luke for almost an entire summer. And we stayed here with dad. He, um, he wasn’t good at cooking and stuff so he’d just mix a bunch of stuff together. I guess I got used to the taste. I don’t think Rey remembers though; she was so young.”

“Do you know why she left? Or what their fight was about?”

“You swear you’ll never tell anyone?”

“Swear.”

“Um, from what I could gather ... dad cheated on mom. Back when he used to deliver long-distance packages, he started something with this lady in Tulsa. Mom found out and got so mad she left.”

Hux shook his head. “I can’t believe your dad would do that.”

“Me either. But I guess they managed to work it out. I remember when mom came back, every Thursday night they’d leave me and Rey with a babysitter. I always thought they were going on dates or whatever but thinking about it now, they were probably going to counseling.”

Here he paused and looked up at Hux, his eyes solemn as he said, “Hux, if for any reason you ever feel like you’re unhappy with me, and want to break up, then TELL me and break up with me. Please don’t ever cheat on me, because I wouldn’t handle that well. Okay? I’m being serious.”

Hux got up and put both arms around Ben, holding him close. “I would never cheat on you,” he murmured into his hair.“ **I** was cheated on, remember? I know how shitty it feels. I would never put you through that. Okay?”

Ben nodded, enjoying the warmth of Hux’s arms. “Okay.”

They heard the sound of the bathroom door close, and Hux let go of Ben and sat back at the table, as Ben got to his feet and went to the stove.

“I’m out! What’s for dinner?”

“Hockey pucks.”

“Really? Yay!”, Rey exclaimed, clapping her hands as Ben brought a plateful of ‘food’ to her, along with a glass of chocolate milk.

“Hockey pucks?”

“Yeah. Dad used to actually take all this stuff and squeeze them together into little cakes. So we call it hockey pucks.”

Hux made a face. “Oh my god, this just gets weirder and weirder.”

Ben set down a plate in front of him, to Hux’s dismay. “What’s really weird is you’re about to try this, and it’s about to become your new favorite food.”

“Yeah Hux,” Rey said, hefting another fork-load into her mouth. “Try it! My mom says if you try things you like them!”

Hux sighed and picked up his fork. “Alright; Bon Appetite.”

— —

About an hour later found the three camped in front of the tv, watching a movie. Rey was dozing in and out of sleep, and Hux, although it wasn’t 11 yet, decided it would be a good time for him to head home.

He and Ben left the couch quietly, so as not to disturb Rey, and stood by the front door.

“Will you come back tomorrow?”

Hux shrugged into his jacket, saying, “But I was here all day today, aren’t you sick of me?”

“I’m ALWAYS sick of you,” Ben said, teasing him. “Doesn’t mean I still don’t want to see you.”

“Sounds like a date, then. Hey; you know tomorrow is one of the free admission days at the Aquarium. If I drive, do you maybe want to take Rey to do that tomorrow?”

“Do you just want to go because you get a hard-on for dolphins?”

“Possibly.”

“I’ll think about it and let you know before you come over tomorrow. Going there might be dangerous; I don’t really feel like fighting a fish over my boyfriend.”

“Just wear a dolphin t-shirt, and I’ll stick to you like glue. Problem solved.”

“Deal,” Ben said, giving Hux a soft kiss on the lips. “Love you, goodnight. Text me when you get home so I know you made it.”

“I will. ‘Night,” Hux said, smiling before walking to his car. Ben watched until he was out of the driveway, then shut the door and locked it, trying the doorknob twice just to be sure. He was about to tell Rey that it was time for bed, when she peeked at him from over the back of the couch, and said,

“Hux didn’t say it too.”

Ben walked around to all the windows, double-checking that they were all shut and locked as well. “He didn’t say what, too?”

“You said I Love You, but he didn’t say it too.”

Ben blinked and sat down beside her, surprised that she had even noticed such a thing. He was always forgetting; she was a lot more aware of her surroundings, and much more observant, than he gave her credit for.

“He probably just forgot.”

“Are you sad that he forgot?”

Ben shook his head. “No. He’ll remember tomorrow.” He picked up the remote and switched off the tv, deciding a subject change was needed. “Anyway, I think it’s about time for bed, Rey.”

“Are you going to read to me, like mommy does?”

“Sure.”

“Um, is it okay if I sleep in your room tonight? Please?”

Ben reached over and stroked her soft brown hair. “Are you scared about mom and dad being gone?”

Rey nodded.

“Okay. Go get your blanket and pillow and bring them into my room, okay? And don’t forget your book. We’ll have a sleepover.”

“Can Chewie come too?”

“I’m sure he’ll find his way to us.”

Rey leapt across the couch and threw her arms around Ben’s shoulders. “Thanks, Ben! I won’t forget to say it, I love you!”

Ben blushed, and patted Rey’s arm. “I love you, too. Now hurry and go get ready.”

Rey ran time her room, and Ben continued to sit there, wondering how many of her stuffed animals she’d bring into his bed. 

He also thought about what she’d said, about whether he was hurt, that Hux hadn’t said I Love You back.

It had been almost 4 months after Ben proclaimed his own love, and he felt that he’d done absolutely nothing to lead Hux to believe he’d hurt him in any way.

So why the hesitation still?  
Why wouldn’t Hux —

“Ben! I’m ready!”

Ben sighed and got to his feet.   
He’d think about his Hux problem some other time.

Right now, the duties of a Big Brother awaited him.


	4. Chapter 4

“Man, if I thought you were the biggest geek in the world _before_ ...”

“Just so you know, your childish insults about my proclivities have ceased to bother me, Benjamin.”

“Your — what??”

“Proclivities. It means the tendency to do something regularly, or be inclined to behave a certain way.”

Ben shook his head and picked up another box, sneezing a bit at the dust. “You could literally have just told me to shut up. It’s effective and it’s not confusing. But you just had to offer up that explanation. I hate you so much.”

Hux stopped what he was doing and kissed Ben on the cheek. “I know. But that hate of yours makes you sexy, and God knows your looks are the only reason I’m with you.”

Ben scowled. “If I killed you right now and buried you underneath the floorboards, do you think anyone would notice?”

“Oh my god, please don’t. It’s probably filthy under there. If you’re going to murder me, have the decency to bury me somewhere _clean_ , please.”

Ben sighed. It was a Thursday night, and he and Hux were _supposed_ to be out on a date (a date meaning sex in Hux’s bedroom, since Hux’s father was at work until 11), but upon arriving to pick up Ben, Hux spotted Mrs. Solo coming up from the basement, a box in her hands. 

When he’d asked what she was doing, Leia told him that she was trying to neatly organize and label some photo albums and recipe books she had, and Hux had gotten that annoying(ly cute) look on his face that he got when anyone talked about cleaning.

The next thing Ben knew, instead of gripping Hux’s sheets, he was gripping box after box and bringing them up to the kitchen table, while Hux and Leia sorted through them.

“You’re such a sweetie to be helping me, Armitage,” Leia said, coming from her office where she’d gotten some folders and labels. She dropped a kiss on the blushing Hux’s cheek and said, “I wish Ben could be more like you.”

“If by ‘like Hux’ you mean boring as fuck, well —“

“Language, Ben. Armitage, you don’t have such a foul mouth too, do you?”

“No, Mrs. Solo. I’ve always found profanity to be vulgar and distasteful.”

Ben’s eye twitched, but he held back on the insulting comment he wanted to make to that. 

Together, the three of them spent the next hour and a half organizing papers (mostly tax returns and medical documents) by date, writing year-captions under photos and carefully transferring them to the new albums Leia had bought, and arranging everything neatly back in their boxes (which Hux had given a thorough dusting to).

“So, were you allergic to clothes when you were a kid, or what?”, Hux asked Ben at one point, grinning.

Ben blushed. Hux was referring to the dozens of photographs of him between the ages of 4 and 6, in which he either wore a pair of shorts, or nothing at all.

“Oh, shut up. Everyone’s got naked baby pictures.”

“Sure, but 4 years old isn’t exactly a baby.”

“Ben was always like that,” Leia supplied, sipping the tea she had made for herself and Hux. “I’d dress him in the cutest outfits, and within ten minutes almost everything would be on the floor. It got to be so —“

“Mom! You don’t have to tell Hux all that!”

“Oh, come on, it’s cute! It got to be so that I was terrified of sending him to school, because I was afraid once he got there he’d strip naked. You know actually, once, in first grade —“

“Mooooom!”

“Hush, Ben. Once in first grade they DID call me. I had to leave work and pick him up. Apparently he took off his shirt at recess and had convinced a bunch of other kids to do so, as well. Boys AND girls.”

Hux burst out laughing, so hard so nearly spit his own tea all over the table. “Seriously?”

“Mm hm. Han and I must have gotten at least 20 phone calls that night from angry parents, about their kids picking up bad habits from Ben.”

“Bad habits my ass. Half of those kids were already doing weird shit like that anyway.”

“How did you solve that, Mrs. Solo?”

“I started dressing him in overalls. They’re a lot harder to get off than a plain shirt and jeans.”

Hux laughed again, and Leia excised herself, saying she was going to check on Rey, who was playing with a kid in her room. When she was gone, Hux said to Ben, still smirking,

“So before you said that **I** lived an impressive ‘double life’, and all this time you’ve had me beat. I’m pretty sure being a flasher and exhibitionist trumps having a secret boyfriend.”

“I wasn’t an exhibitionist! I just —“

Before Ben could finish his thought, Leia came back, this time with Rey and her friend in tow. 

“Hux!”, Rey exclaimed, running at Hux and hugging his legs. “You have to meet my husband!”

Hux raised an eyebrow at that. “Husband?”

Rey took his hand and pulled him to the kid, an adorable little African-American boy with curly black hair, and wide brown eyes. “Yeah! We play house and he’s my husband! This is Finn!”

Hux grinned and extended his hand. “Nice to meet you, Finn.”

“Are you her brother’s husband?”

“What? Er, no. I’m his boyfriend.”

Finn looked at Rey, confused. “You said your brother got married.”

But Rey was shaking her head. “No! I said they’re GOING to get married!”

“Rey, why would you think that?”, Ben asked, and Hux was amused that he was blushing yet again.

“Because you said it!”

“No the hell I didn’t!”

“Ben! LANGUAGE!”

“What? Hell isn’t a bad word!”

“My mom says it’s a no-no word,” Finn said, solemnly.

“Okay, fine, sorry. But Rey, you know I never said anything like that.”

“Yes you did!” Rey insisted, jumping up and down. “Mommy and daddy went to vacation and we had a sleepover and I woke up and you said you would marry Hux!”

“Oh my god, no I didn’t!”

“Uh-Huh! You were sleeping!”

 _Oh my god ... I talk in my sleep?!_ , Ben thought to himself, horrified. To Rey he said, “I think you were just imagining things, kid.”

“No I wasn’t. You said ‘love Hux, marry Hux tomorrow’ then you made kissy faces to your pillow!”

If Ben’s face had gotten any redder, he likely would have caught on fire. Hux was trying his hardest not to laugh ... and failing miserably.

“You kids must be hungry,” Leia said, changing the subject. “What’ll it be?”

As the two young ones began spouting off meal ideas to Leia, Ben and Hux subtly went into the living room, where Hux could hold back his laughter no longer.

“Oh my god!”, he said between laughs, wiping tears from his eyes, “You’re definitely not allowed to call me a geek or a dork or anything like that ever again, because what Rey just told me makes you the biggest, LAMEST dork of all time!”

“Stop teasing me before I punch you in the dick, you asshole.”

Hux managed to stop laughing at him long enough to put his arms around him and kiss his neck.

“Speaking of dick,” he whispered in Ben’s ear, “Since we’re apparently married, why don’t we go to my house and consummate this marriage? I mean, you didn’t give me a ring but you can give me an O.”

Ben shivered and gave Hux a light kiss back, before pulling out of his arms and heading to the kitchen.

“Me and Hux are gonna go play video games at his house,” Ben said, grabbing his jacket from the back of the kitchen chair. Finn and Rey were sitting at the table, eating spaghettios and little bags of chips. “Be back later.”

“Not later; be back by 10. It’s a school night.”

Ben nodded, then headed back to Hux, who was waiting by the front door.

“We’ve only got ‘til 10, so we’ve got to hurry,” he said, as they headed into the night.

“Shouldn’t be a problem for you,” Hux muttered, teasing him.

“What?”

“Nothing. Let’s go, dear.”

— —

“Can you come over?”

Hux groaned and squinted at the (obnoxiously bright) screen of his phone. He assumed Ben was trying to lure him over for ‘extracurricular activities’; his parents had gone to visit Ben’s uncle Lando, and wouldn’t be back until the next morning. 

“Ben, it’s 2 in the morning. Go to bed.”

“Hux, _please_ come over. I need you.”

Hux rolled his eyes. “I put up with a lot from you, but one thing I’m not gonna deal with is a booty call, babe. Go to bed, we’ll talk in the —“

“I’m not trying to fuck you!”, Ben exclaimed, startling Hux. “I just — I need you. Please?”

More awake now, Hux noticed how distraught Ben sounded. So he quickly sat up, saying, “I’ll be right there.”

When Hux turned the corner, he came upon Ben sitting out on his front steps, his head in his hands.

Hux sat beside him cautiously. “Are you alright? What’s wrong?”

Looking up, his voice husky with tears, Ben said, quietly, 

“I — I got up to take Chewie outside. I’ve been having to do that lately because he’s been peeing on the floor at night. I went to him, I touched him ... he was so cold, so stiff. I — I think he’s dead.”

“Oh, babe —“, Hux said, holding Ben in his arms. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s just ... mom and dad aren’t back yet, and I don’t want Rey to wake up and find him like that. Can you help me bury him? Please?”

“Of course. Where is he at?”

“In the kitchen, under the table. Give me a second and I’ll get him and bring him around to the backyard. I’m gonna bury him in his favorite blanket. He — he loved —“

And then Ben burst into tears. Hux was surprised; he had never seen Ben really cry before. Involuntarily, a lump rose to his own throat, and he wrapped Ben tightly in his arms once more.

“It’s okay, it’s alright,” he said, patting his back soothingly. “Do you want me to get him?”

But Ben pulled away and shook his head. “I will. Can you get two shovels out of the garage and meet me out back?”

Hux agreed, and Ben went into the house. Hux grabbed the shovels, and headed into the backyard. He shivered and pulled up the hood on his jacket; it was freezing out here.

Ben came out a few minutes later, a large bundle held gently in his arms. He sat it down by the base of the slide, then looked around the yard. “I think that’s a good spot,” he said, pointing to an area on the side of the house. “The sun hits there in the afternoon; Chewie liked to take naps there.”

The two set to digging, which was thankfully easy; the ground was already loose due to it having rained a lot recently.

When the hole was deep enough, Ben went to get his dog, and knelt down to place him in it.

“Hux, I don’t — I mean I know _you_ believe in God and heaven and all that, can you say some kind of prayer for him?”

Hux took hold of Ben’s hand, and said, softly,

“God, please accept this animal into your kingdom. He was a good dog and a loyal friend, and he brought happiness to the family that you blessed him with. Amen.”

Ben gave a shuddery sigh, and squeezed Hux’s hand before letting go. They filled the hole back up, and then Ben took Hux’s shovel from him.

“I’ll put these away, then I’ll walk you back home.”

“Wait, um — I mean I can stay with you.”

“You can? I wanted to ask but I didn’t want to bother you.”

Hux smiled and kissed Ben’s forehead. “I’ll make us some hot chocolate while you put those away.”

— 

“What am I gonna say to her?”

Hux sighed. It was about half an hour later, and the two were on the living room couch. Hux was sitting up and Ben had his head in Hux’s lap. Ben had explained that they couldn’t be in his room because Rey was currently in there, having asked to sleep with him since their parents were gone.

“Besides,” he’d said, chuckling, “If they come back early and see you here, it looks less like we’d be having sex out in the open like this.”

Now, the conversation had shifted to Rey, and how Ben should explain Chewie’s absence.

“What time do your parents come back?”

“They said 10 at the latest.”

“Well, why not wait for them, run out when they get here, explain what happened, and ask them to talk to Rey?”

“I don’t think that’ll work. Rey wakes up and is running around at like 7 on the weekends. And the first thing she does every morning is look for Chewie, to take him to the backyard.”

“Then ... tell her that it was his time. Tell her that Chewie lived a long life, and he was happy because he had a family that loved him and took care of him. Or if you want to go the reincarnation route, tell her that tomorrow, he’ll wake up as somebody else’s puppy and start life all over again.”

“I think I’ll keep it simple with the whole heaven thing. I don’t know if an eight year old will get the multiple lives spiel.”

It was quiet for a few moments, and then Hux said, softly. “My dad told me both, when mom died.”

Ben looked up into his face. “What do you mean?”

“The day of her funeral, I asked him where mom went, what was going to happen to her. He sat me down and said that different people believe different things. He said that some people believe that if you’ve been a good person, when you die, you go to a pretty place in the clouds. He said that other people think we’re just spirits living in bodies, and we ‘change’ bodies when the one we have wears out, like people change cars, or houses.”

“And he thought you could handle that at, what were you, about 6?”

Hux nodded. “I guess so. I’ve had time to think about it, and I’d rather believe the heaven-hell deal. I don’t like to think we’d come back after we die as someone else. Once is enough.”

A pause, and then Ben said,

“I think I’d prefer reincarnation. I don’t like to think of things ending, I like to think that they keep going, in one way or another. Like, I don’t remember much of your mom, but I remember she was really nice. So maybe she’s out spreading her niceness to other people, but in a different body.”

“Sometimes I’m afraid that I’m starting to forget her,” Hux said softly, his fingers slowly pulling through Ben’s hair. “Little things, you know? The smell of her perfume. The way she would dance around the kitchen when she cooked. The other day I had an anxiety attack because I couldn’t remember the sound of her voice, Ben. I had to dig the box of home movies out of the closet so that I could hear her.”

“I’ve heard that talking helps,” Ben eventually contributed. “Keep talking about the things that you DO remember. That way, it’s like part of her is still alive. No ones ever really gone, so long as there’s at least one person who keeps their memory alive.”

“That’s a very beautiful sentiment.”

“Can’t take full credit for it; my uncle used to say it all the time after his and my mom’s dad died.”

“You mean your grandpa?”

Ben nodded. “Yeah.”

“Did you ever meet him?”

“No, he died a year before I was born. But mom always tells me that me and him were kind of alike.”

“Really cute but horribly annoying?”

Ben smiled and playfully swatted Hux’s shoulder. “I think she meant, we both liked to eat a lot, we were both tall, things like that. I wish I could have known him ... but then again, even if he HAD been alive, I might not have met him anyway.”

“Why not?”

“Mom didn’t really like him.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Her and my uncle didn’t really grow up with him in their lives. The story is that him and my grandma had some kind of big fight, the day my mom and uncle were born, and —“

“Wait ... at the same time? Your moms a twin?”

“Oh yeah. I never mentioned that?”

“No. That’s interesting.”

“I guess. Anyway they had some kind of fight, and my grandma barred him from the delivery room. I’m not really sure of the details, because no one ever talks about it, but they never made up. My grandfather came around every so often to see the kids, and when they were teenagers, he got really close with my uncle Luke, but never with mom. It’s like —“

Here Ben paused and moved his head from Hux’s lap, fully sitting up.

“It’s like, what’s the point of having a family? You can try your hardest but your kids can still hate you. You can be the best wife or husband in the world and your spouse can still cheat on you. You can love someone with all your soul, but it doesn’t mean they feel the same. And you can be the best dog in the whole world and still die alone, in the middle of the night, under a kitchen table.”

“Ben —“, Hux started to say, reaching for him. But Ben pulled back and stood up.

“I’m gonna go check on Rey, make sure she’s still sleeping.” He bent down and picked the remote up off the table. “Find a movie or something for us to watch, okay?”

Hux took the remote and nodded. “Okay.”

Ben went to his bedroom, and Hux sighed, turning on the tv and turning the volume down as low as possible. Ben seemed really upset, but somehow Hux didn’t think that his feelings were entirely tied to Chewie’s death.

When Ben came back, he had two pillows and one of his blankets, which he spread over Hux before scooting close to him and leaning against him.

“Hey, um ... if there anything at all you want to talk about?”, Hux asked him, timidly. “I mean, besides Chewie?”

“What do you mean?”

“You just seem out of sorts, I’m just checking to make sure you’re okay.”

Ben nodded. “I’m fine.”

“You’re _sure_? Because I feel like somethings up with you. Something not related to the dog.”

“It’s too early to be feeling anything for anything.” Ben replied, snuggling in closer to Hux. “You should know that better than anyone, Hux.”

Hux looked down at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

Ben fell silent after that, and Hux decided not to pursue the matter any further. Within half an hour, Ben had fallen asleep, snoring lightly against Hux’s shoulder.

Hux wasn’t far behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

“I can understand you blindfolding me and leaving me somewhere in the wilderness ... but did you have to bring my sister into this?”

Hux chuckled and reached over, patting Ben’s arm. “Relax, it’s nothing like that. Rey doesn’t mind the blindfold, do you, Rey?”

“This is like a game!”, Rey piped up from the backseat. “Are we playing hide and seek?”

“No, but it’s even better than that.”

Ben smiled at how enthused she sounded, although he himself was more than a little apprehensive about this.

It was after school, several days after Ben and Hux had buried Chewie, and life in the Solo household had been somewhat gloomy. Han and Leia had been shocked when Ben told them of their beloved dog’s passing, and Rey ... had taken it even harder than Ben had expected. She cried so long and so hard that she gave herself a stomach ache, and had been kept out of school this last Monday to rest. 

Today, Hux drove Ben home from school, then told him to go inside and get Rey and bring her out, saying he had a surprise for them both. Once the two Solos had joined Hux outside, he had tied a bandana around each of their eyes and guided them to his car, instructing then to keep the eye-shields on until he told them they’d arrived at their destination.

Which was now, apparently.

The three found themselves standing outside of a dark blue building, in an unfamiliar part of town.

“What is this place?”

“It’s the city animal shelter. I, um, I talked to your mom, and she said it was okay. There are so many dogs that need a home, and I thought that —“

Hux couldn’t even get the words out before Ben turned to Rey, and said, “Get back in the car.”

“Why? I thought we were getting a new —“

“Get back in the damn car!” Ben shouted at her, and the intensity of his yell clearly scared Rey. Struggling to hold back tears, she got into the car, and even buckled her seatbelt, waiting quietly for the two boys to join her.

“Ben, what the hell??”

“Is this some kind of joke? Did you honestly think I was going to react well to something like this??”

“Honey ... Chewie died. You love dogs. So why not adopt —“

“Because you don’t just fucking run out and replace something that you cared about! You can’t just switch one thing out for another! It doesn’t work like that!”

“Ben,” Hux said, attempting to put his arms around him. 

But Ben roughly shook him off and went on, “I fucking LOVED Chewie! He’s been in the ground less than a week and you want me to replace him, like he meant nothing? What’s wrong with you?”

“Ben, I swear to you, I didn’t see it like that at all. I know you loved Chewie. Rey did too. You both have a thing for dogs so I thought that — but clearly I was wrong. I’m sorry; I had no idea this would cause you pain like this.”

Ben let out a shaky sigh, and patted Hux’s shoulder. “I know,” he said, and Hux was startled, at how close Ben seemed to tears. “It’s just — I’m tired. I’m sorry but can you take us back home?”

Hux nodded, and put both arms around Ben, kissing his cheek. But Ben didn’t react at all; Hux may as well have been kissing a statue.

The ride home was mostly silent. Ben stared out the window, not speaking, and Hux tried to talk to Rey to cheer her up, but Rey was quiet and withdrawn, barely responding to the things Hux was saying.

When they pulled back to to Ben’s house, Rey unbuckled her seatbelt, said goodbye to Hux, and walked somberly back into the house. When she was inside, Hux turned to Ben, and said,

“Ben ... I can’t apologize enough for this. I really wasn’t trying to hurt you; you know that, right?”

Ben nodded. “I know. I’ll see you in the morning. It’s my turn to drive, right?”

Hux blinked. “In the morning? But ... but dads at work until ten. I thought that once your mom gets home to watch Rey, you might want to come over?”

Ben unbuckled his belt and got out of the car. Leaning back in the door, he said, “I’m not really in the mood. I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Okay. Bye, then.”

“Bye,” Ben replied, and then he was shutting the door and trudging back into his house.

When he got in, the first thing he did was go to Rey’s room, where she had one of her new chapter books open on her bed. Without saying a word, he sat down next to her, put her arms around her, and squeezed for all he was worth.

“Ben!”, she eventually squealed, struggling to free herself from his grasp, “You’re squishing me!”

Ben smiled and, while he loosened his hold, he didn’t let go. “You know I love you more than the sun and the moon and all stars in the sky, right?”

“What about ladybugs? And penguins? And pink clouds?”

“ _Definitely_ more than those.”

“But you yelled at me.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. Do you forgive me?”

Rey nodded, and Ben kissed the top of her head, before letting her go. He curled up on the side of her bed (he really had to scrunch to bring his long legs in) and said, “You’ve been getting so good at reading. Why don’t you read me some of your book?”

“Really?!”, Rey asked excitedly. She was always looking for someone to practice her reading on since she had graduated to books with chapters, but both of her parents were often too busy or too tired, and (most of the time) Ben lacked the patience for such a thing.

Ben grabbed one of her pillows and stuffed it under his head. “Yeah. I’d really like it.”

So Rey opened her book and slowly began reading her story to Ben. He closed his eyes, listening to the way her tiny voice rose and fell with each word. 

Mrs. Solo came home about half an hour later, smiling to find Ben completely knocked out, and Rey gently patting his hair while continuing to read to him.

After all, asleep or not ... the story must go on.

— —

“Pass me the chips.”

Mitaka shoved the bag of Lays towards Ben, saying “Just don’t eat them all, fat ass.”

“Fat ass?? ME? You look like you gained 600 pounds! What’d you get for Christmas; a key to McDonalds?”

“Bitch this is muscle, MUSCLE, not fat,” Mitaka said, rolling up his sleeve and flexing his arm. “I’m in training for football. Oh but look who I’m talking to; you’ve become an expert on balls, huh?”

“Mitaka!”, Phasma said, exasperated. “Knock it off.”

“What? Ben knows I’m kidding!”

“Yeah; I’m gonna be laughing so hard once you catch my fist in your face.”

It was Friday night, several weeks later, after the school’s winter vacation, and Ben was spending time with Phasma, and their mutual friend Dolph Mitaka. Normally he’d be out somewhere with Hux on Fridays, but lately, Ben was feeling like he needed a bit of a break from him. 

And besides, he hadn’t gotten with these two in quite a while. So Phasma invited them over, and the three were sitting on her bedroom floor, listening to music, snacking, and playing cards.

“The three of us haven’t been together in a long time,” Phasma said now to the two boys. “The least you guys could do is TRY to get along with each other!”

“Not my fault that Solo’s been AWOL since he started sticking his dick into guys,” Mitaka commented, shaking his head. “Never knew we were so easily replaceable.”

Before Ben could kick him, Phasma spoke up and said, “That’s a really immature thing to say. AND you’re a damn hypocrite; when you had Rosalie, we didn’t see you for literal months.”

“That was different; Rose was HOT. But Ben’s boyfriend —“

“Watch it, Mitaka, Ben growled at him, shuffling his cards. “Don’t think I won’t kick your ass.”

“Just as long as _kicking_ my ass is ALL you try to do to it.”

“Mitaka!”, Phasma exclaimed, horrified at what he was implying.

But Ben started to laugh. “Wow — okay, good one, you fucking douche.”

He acted like he was stretching out his leg, and purposefully aimed his foot at Mitaka’s can of soda, sending it flying all over his legs. Mitaka jumped up and cursed at Ben, before running out of the room to the bathroom.

Phasma sighed and grabbed some napkins, setting them over the spill that was left behind. 

“Why can’t you guys ever get along?”

“Talk to Mitaka about that. He’s the dick here, not me.”

Phasma just sighed. The game came to a halt with Mitaka gone, and after a few moments, Phasma asked,

“So, really; how are things going with you guys? You and Hux?”

Ben gave something between a head-shake and a shrug. “It’s ... it’s good. You know he’s a great guy and I like being with him.”

A pause, and then, “You could have invited him here, too, you know. I mean Mitaka may be a dick but I’d make sure he behaved himself.”

“Maybe I will another time,” Ben said, studying the cards in his hand. “And anyway, don’t you think it would be a little awkard?”

“Awkward, how? Wait — did you tell him that me and you —?”

Ben nodded. “Yeah. But I swear I wasn’t graphic about it or anything. But anyway he might feel a little weird seeing me with the girl that I — you know — with. I know I’d feel funny if I saw him with that ex of his.”

“But I’m not your ex, I’m you’re friend. We slept together exactly one time; it didn’t even last 10 minutes.”

Ben frowned. “What? I’m sure I lasted longer than that!”

“Nope. We started at the beginning of Family Feud, and we were done before the first commercial break.”

Ben chuckled and shook his head. “Jeez ... talk about embarrassing”

He laid down his cards and looked into Phasma’s eyes, saying, “Can I ask you something about that though? And you’ll be totally honest with me?”

“Of course.”

“Okay ... do you feel like I disrespected you, by not trying to for-real date you after we did it?”

“Disrespected me?”

“Yeah. Do you think doing that makes me a jerk?”

Phasma put her own cards down, scooted over to Ben, and put her arms around him. “You’re not a jerk and you never will be. You’re my friend. What we shared was just a close experience. That’s all; nothing more and nothing less. I love you, okay? I always, always will.”

Ridiculously, for some reason, hearing that made Ben feel close to tears. He quickly bottled his emotions, but not before Phasma had noticed something was off.

“Are you alright?,” she asked, holding Ben out from her and studying his face.

He managed a smile for her, and said, “I’m fine, babe. Absolutely dandy.”

“You’re sure?”

Ben nodded. “Yep. But hey speaking of me and Hux ... how are things going with that one guy? Um, the one with the brown hair that asked you to the Holiday dance?”

“You mean Poe?”

“Yeah.”

“It was just a one-time date. We didn’t go out again after that.”

“How come?”

Making a face, Phasma explained, “He spent all night saying really perverted things, then got mad when I said I wasn’t gonna go back to his place to sleep with him.”

“Seriously? God; the list of people whose asses I have to kick just keeps getting bigger and bigger.”

“It’s not worth it, Ben. It’s really not.”

“But _you’re_ worth a **lot** , Phas. Anyone who doesn’t see that is a fucking moron.”

Phasma smiled and leaned over, kissing his cheek. “Same goes for you. Hux is lucky to land you.”

Ben gave her a smirk at that, and commented. “Maybe. Plus, you know, if all else fails, you can always date Mitaka.”

Phasma stuck out here tongue, making a gagging noise. “Jesus Christ, Ben; I may be single but dammit I have STANDARDS,” she said, cracking them both up.

“What’s so funny?”, Mitaka asked, coming back and sitting down.

“You mean besides your face? Not a damn thing,” Ben replied, picking his cards back up. “Now come on; we gonna finish this game or what?”

— —

“Okay; hold this in place just like that.”

“Flat against the wood or out a little?”

“Flat as you can.”

Ben nodded, and pressed down on the board, while Mr. Hux steadily hammered the nail into place.

It was a Saturday afternoon, and Ben had arrived to pick up Hux, as the two were planning on going to the movies. But Hux had apologetically informed him that his group for his science project was still at the house, and likely wouldn’t be done for another hour.

“You can’t reschedule?”, Ben had asked, annoyed.

“No. Marissa has to work at 5 and Daniel can’t come at all tomorrow, so we’re trying to get as much done as possible now.”

Ben had sighed, but wasn’t really in the mood to argue. He told Hux he’d just go back home, and to call him when he was finished. But on his way to the car he’d noticed Mr. Hux in his garage, working on the boat he owned with Ben’s dad (Leia had complained about the boat taking up so much room in _their_ garage, so it had been transferred to Brendol’s instead) and offered to help.

“So how’s school?”

Ben resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Why did every adult feel the need to ask adolescents how school was? School was a million things at once: great, awful, tedious, jarring, exhausting, exhilarating. It was near impossible to pin down how Ben felt about school in a few words. Nevertheless, he replied,

“Good.”

“How ... how are you and my kid doing?”

Ben raised an eyebrow; THIS was actually interesting. Aside from that first night when the two had confessed their relationship, Brendol had never really acknowledged or directly asked about them before.

“We’re doing okay. We have ups and downs but I really like Hux.”, he answered honestly. 

“He driving you crazy yet?”

Ben grinned. “A little.”

Brendol went to his little fridge and opened it up, taking out a beer. He held up a can of soda to Ben and Ben nodded, so he tossed it to him, before saying,

“I know what you mean. Armitage is brilliant at so many things but sometimes all of that is a little hard to take.”

Ben took a swig of his Pepsi. “Yeah. It is.”

“He’s a little like me, I guess. Not that good at showing what he’s feeling, I mean. But you know, I know he’s crazy about you. Talks about you practically all the time.”

Ben smiled a little. “I’m happy to know that.”

Brendol hesitated, then put his hand on Ben’s shoulder, saying, “That night you kids told everyone about you, I have to admit, I wasn’t very surprised. About my son being _that_ way, I mean. His mother thought he was like that, even way back when he was a young kid, and I kinda saw some things that made me think —“

Here he paused, and took another swallow of beer.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m glad that he ended up with someone like you. You’re sturdy and dependable, and you really balance Armitage out.”

Ben was surprised at that, so surprised that he could barely think to utter a “Thank you, sir,” to Brendol.

At that moment, Hux came out, a pleased look on his face at seeing Ben still there.

“Hey; I thought you went home?”

Ben shook his head and went to Hux, kissing his cheek. He’d never done that in front of Brendol before, but now, he felt comfortable enough to. “Decided to help your dad with the boat.”

Hux blushed at being kissed, then said, “I was just going to text you; my group is done.”

Then he turned to his dad and said, “Aunt Jessica called and left a message; something about wanting you to re-shingle her garage roof next weekend?”

Brendol sighed and stood up. “I just did that last summer! That woman’s crazy if she thinks —“

He trailed off, heading out the door and into the house. Hux and Ben were about to leave, when Hux snapped his fingers and said, “Oh; I forgot my wallet. Be right back!”

He left his phone on his dad’s workbench, and Ben picked it up, thinking he’d just take it to the car so they could take off when Hux came back. But halfway down the lawn Hux’s phone buzzed in his hand, and he looked at it.

“Rick?”, Ben growled to himself, upon seeing the name. “Why is that fucker texting —“

Completely unable to help it, he punched in Hux’s passcode and opened his messages to see what Rick had sent — and nearly dropped the phone when he did.

“Okay, got it,” Hux said, walking towards Ben. “Let’s —“

Silently, Ben held up Hux’s phone to his face, revealing the extremely graphic picture that Rick had sent.

“Oh my god,” Hux said, his face a furious red. “Why the hell is he —“

Ben pushed the phone all the way into Hux’s hand, and began walking to his car.

“Wait! Ben! It’s not —“

Ben whirled on him, so close that Hux nearly fell over backwards. “Why is he sending you pictures of his dick?!”

“I don’t know! I certainly didn’t ask for it!”

“You’re sure?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know; it is normal for guys to send their exes pictures of their junk almost half a fucking year after they ‘broke up’?”

“I don’t like what you’re implying, Ben. Here; read through my texts! You can see that this is the first thing he’s texted since before we broke up!”

But Ben was so angry, so upset, that he wasn’t thinking straight.

“Hux, answer me honestly; are you still seeing him?”

“No!! I’ve only been with you! I swear to God!”

“You’re positive? Tell me now because I need to know if I have to go get tested.”

Hux’s face fell; the impact of Ben’s words hit him like a slap in the face. Not just that he SAID them, but that he’d bring up something so traumatic from Hux’s past, something that he’d told to Ben at his most vulnerable.

“You really think I’d do that to you?”, he asked, softly. “You don’t trust me?”

“What I know — is that I’ve spent the past few months giving my everything to you. Telling you my secrets. Hugging and kissing and fucking and laughing and crying. And never once, not one single fucking time, did you ever —“, he said, before cutting himself off. He took a few moments to gather himself, before continuing,

“I think maybe we’ve run out our course with this thing. But this isn’t working for me anymore. I can’t be with somebody who doesn’t love me back. I can’t have sex with someone who won’t say it; that’s honestly no better than being a prostitute.”

He made it to his car door before Hux called out behind him, very softly, “Ben?”

Ben looked up at him, praying that Hux was about to tell him the one thing he needed to hear, that would make this right.

But even now, _even now_ , Hux couldn’t say it.

So Ben got into his car and drove home, not looking back.


	6. Chapter 6

“Your taste in music leaves much to be desired,” Ben said, thumbing through Hux’s extensive collection of tunes. “Toby Keith? Barry Manilow? The fucking _Spice Girls_?? And who the hell has CD’s anymore?”

“You make fun of my CD’s but you geeked out about my records?”

“That’s different. Actual vinyl records are like collectors items, so they’re automatically cool. But a CD is like ... like a pancake without syrup.”

Hux rolled his eyes and turned the page of his book. He was laying flat on his back in bed, holding his book out from him. “First of all, that analogy makes zero sense. Second, I never put syrup on pancakes.”

Ben turned towards him, his eyes bugged out in sheer disbelief. “What??”

“Do you have any idea how much unnecessary sugar is in the recommended serving size of syrup? So unhealthy. You’re better off with a small pat of salt-free butter, and some berries. Or possibly a small drizzle of honey.”

Ben shook his head and turned back to the music. Hux’s CD’s were in clear plastic containers, arranged by genre, and then sub-arranged by alphabetical order. Each box had a label on it in Hux’s infuriatingly neat handwriting. “You really are a goddamn psychopath, aren’t you?”

“You’re really in no position to speak to me about my eating habits, considering YOU eat peanut butter and pickle sandwiches, Benjamin.”

“What’s wrong with peanut butter and pickles?”

“Nothing ... if you’re a pregnant lady.”

Ben left the cds and crawled up between Hux’s arms and his book, laying on top of him.

“Speaking of getting pregnant ... why aren’t we making this bed squeak right now?”, Ben asked, kissing the corner of Hux’s lips as he spoke. “Your dad is gone, we’re all alone —“

“Eh, I don’t quite feel well today.”

Ben raised up a little, looking down on him with concern. “You don’t? What’s the matter?”

“I really don’t know. I suppose I feel just generally tired, and my arms and legs are a little achy.”

Ben got off of him entirely, sitting at the edge of the bed. “Do you want me to take off, so you can rest?”

“No, you can stay. I’m sorry for disappointing you, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Clearly you want to have sex, so I’m sorry that —“

Ben held up his hand, cutting Hux off. “Armitage ... honestly, do you think that’s the only reason I’m here right now? Do you think that’s why I came over in the first place?”

Hux shrugged, sitting up himself now. “Why else?”

“Seriously?? I’m here all the damn time because I’m crazy about spending time with you, goofy! I can’t believe someone as smart as you still doesn’t get that!”

“I’m sorry ... it’s just ... “, Hux started to say, then abruptly stopped himself. “Never mind. Hey do you want some snacks or something? Dad bought some —“

“Say what you were going to say.”

Hux hesitated, then, sighing, confessed, “Rick used to tell me all the time that the only reason anyone would want me is for sex. So I kinda thought that —“

Ben suddenly leaned over and put both arms around Hux, hugging him as hard as he could.

“Baby ... PLEASE tell me where this guy lives. Please. I’ll never ask you for anything ever again, nothing for my  
Birthday or Christmas or Valentines or anything at all. Just please tell me where he lives? Pretty please?”

Hux pulled out of Ben’s arms, frowning. “I detest fighting and violence.”

“Who said anything about violence?? I just wanna talk to him!”

“Ben.”

“And if my fist just happens to slip into his face 57 times in a row, and he accidentally loses all of his teeth and breaks his nose, well —“

Hux gave him a kiss, cutting him off.

“They say the best revenge on somebody you hate is to live well. If that’s true, I have the best revenge possible. I have a boyfriend who’s sweet and handsome and funny and makes me happy,” Hux said, kissing Ben again. “Even if he’s a weirdo who thinks that peanut butter and pickles go together.”

Ben smiled and kissed him back. 

“Okay, okay; I’ll put my ‘talk’ with him on hold, for now.” He stood up. “Can I get YOU some snacks? Or anything? If you feel like shit, it’s my responsibility to take care of you.”

“Can you make me some tea?”

“Um ... you mean like, in the microwave?”

Hux smiled. “It tastes better on top of the stove, actually. Have you ever used a tea kettle before?”

Ben shook his head. “No. I mean mom has one but —“

Hux got to his feet. “Well, let me show you, then.”

“But I’m supposed to be making this for you, so you can stay resting!”

“You will be making it; I’ll just be supervising.”

“But —“

“If you’re that concerned about me moving around, then carry me to the kitchen,” Hux said, teasing Ben. But Ben took him seriously and lifted the slender boy right off of his feet, causing Hux to give a little yelp of delight.

“Ooooh, you’re so strong,” Hux purred, wrapping his arms around Ben’s shoulders. “You better be careful; I might get addicted to you carrying me.”

“Go ahead and get addicted. I’ll carry you anywhere you —“

“Ben!”

Ben blinked, and looked around himself in confusion. Upon remembering where he was and what he was doing, he sighed, disappointed.

This was getting worse and worse. He hadn’t thought that breaking up with Hux would affect him this damn much, but it clearly was. More and more he’d find himself slipping into daydreams, thinking about scenes he’d shared with the redhead over the course of their relationship. This last ‘vision’ was something that had happened a scant month before they parted ways.

Or, rather, before BEN had lost his temper and messed everything up.

He sighed again; as much as he appreciated Phasma coming over to help him study for his algebra test, he just wasn’t in the mood for this.

Phasma must have sensed this, because she closed up her book and said, gently, “You seem a little tired, Ben. You wanna call it quits for tonight?”

Ben nodded. “Yeah. Don’t go yet, though. You wanna watch a movie?”

“I should probably be getting home, actually. It’s almost 11.”

She stood up and slowly began gathering her things. When the last item was shoved into her backpack, she turned back towards Ben and said, hesitantly,

“Can I say something to you?”

“I already know what it’s gonna be, but sure, go ahead.”

“Ben ... you know I’m right about this. Just go and apologize to him. He deserves that, and it’s the only way you two can get back together again.”

“It’s too late.”

“No it’s not. Just talk to him, say you’re sorry. Does he like flowers? Maybe bring him —“

“Phasma, you don’t get it. What I said was BAD. I can’t tell you what, but he told me something about him when we first started dating, and I got mad and I threw it in his face. Why did I do that? Why would my brain automatically pick out the most hurtful, vicious thing I could possibly say? Am I a monster?”

“You’re not a monster. But Ben, speaking as your friend — you really need to be more conscious of the things you do and say. Words affect people so much more than you’d believe, you know?”

Ben nodded, feeing more shame settle into the pit of his stomach.

“I know. I’ll say something to him, I’ll apologize eventually. But right now I’m seriously not ready to face him.”

Phasma nodded, and kissed Ben’s forehead. “I believe in you, kid. See you at school tomorrow.”

Ben listened until he heard Phasma open and close the front door, then laid back on his bed. He laid on top of his covers and pulled his pillow over his face. He started to doze, and was naturally startled when the pillow suddenly moved from his face, and Han was looking down at him.

“Jesus Christ, dad!”, Ben exclaimed, scowling as he sat up. “Are you trying to give me a fucking heart attack?”

Han grinned and sat on the chair at Ben’s desk. “If your mom heard you talking like that she’d smack you a good one.”

“Did you want something?”

“Not really. Um, that girl who just left, the pretty one ... Phasma, right?”

“Yeah? What about her?”

“Is she your girlfriend, or —?”

“Fuck no! She’s just a friend.”

A pause, and then, “Just asking, because I haven’t seen Red around here lately. Are you guys okay?”

“Don’t do this, dad. Don’t sit here and act like you haven’t heard the whole thing from Mr. Hux already.”

“Ben, I swear I haven’t. Mainly because young Hux hasn’t been talking to his dad, either.”

“Do you think maybe there’s a reason for that? Like, maybe, you and Mr. Hux should be minding your own business?”

Han shook his head. “I’m not trying to get into your business, I’m trying to help. These past few weeks you’ve been moping around here like a kid who didn’t get anything for Christmas.”

“I’m fine, dad. I ... appreciate you trying to help, but there’s nothing for you to help with. I’m fine, Hux is fine, everything is fine. Okay?”

Han sighed and stood up. “Okay. Just ... keep in mind I’m always available to talk, if you want to talk. Even if it’s late. Or early. Or I’m at work; call me and I’ll pick up my phone. Okay?”

_Oh, geez ... why do I feel like I’m gonna cry? What the fuck is WRONG with me??_

“T-thanks, dad,” Ben said, struggling to keep himself together. 

Han nodded, and mercifully moved towards the door. “Anytime, kid. Goodnight.”

“‘Night,” Ben replied, and he somehow managed to hang on until the door was shut and Han was back down the stairs, before he burst into tears.

He shoved his face into his pillow and cried as quietly as he could, a small part of himself furious at this scene. In the past, he’d always mocked and ridiculed guys who got THIS damn emotional over a relationship. And here he was, sobbing over a guy who alphabetized his CD’s and arranged his sock drawer by length and color and walked his damn cat on a leash.

 _Why in the world are you being so weird about this?_ he asked himself, as he struggled to calm down. _You ... you didn’t love him. You thought you did but it was just a mistake; what you liked was fucking him. Love had absolutely nothing to do with anything._

Oh, but Ben knew that the words were untrue. Because nobody cried this hard over somebody that they were just having sex with. Nobody cried this hard over someone that they hadn’t made a strong emotional connection, a BOND, with.

Eventually, thankfully, Ben’s tears wore him down enough to fall asleep, and he went into that blessed darkness gratefully.

—

“Rey! It’s time to eat! What do you want?”

Rey switched off the tv and came into the kitchen. It was several nights later, and Han was over at Brendol’s, working on the boat, and Leia was at work late. So Ben was taking care of his sister. He had already helped her with her homework about an hour ago, and now he figured it was time for dinner.

Well, time for HER dinner, anyway. He hadn’t had much of an appetite lately.

“What can you make?”

“How about ... grilled cheese and soup?”

Rey nodded, and settled at the kitchen table with her pencil and paper. Her newest hobby was drawing, and even Ben had to admit that the things she sketched were pretty good. His parents certainly thought so; the refrigerator (and their, as well as Ben’s bedroom walls) was covered with her artwork.

As Ben moved around making dinner, Rey said, “Can I ask you something?”

“You can’t have a Hawaiian Punch with this,” Ben answered, thinking she was asking for her oft-sought after treat. “You know mom said you can only have one soda a day, and you already had yours.”

“That’s not what I want to ask. Um, where’s Hux? I miss him.”

Ben’s heart sank, when Rey asked that. He had been hoping she wouldn’t notice Hux’s absence. Which was ridiculous, of course; Rey’s sharp little eyes and open ears noticed damn near EVERYTHING.

“You know, you get a lot of homework when you’re in high school. So Hux is busy at his house doing homework.”

“Is he coming to my birthday party next week?”

“Your birthday isn’t next week; it’s in TWO weeks.”

“But is he coming?”

Ben sighed. Her sandwich was done, and he brought it to her at the table, along with a small, sipping-cup container of Campbell’s chicken and stars soup, and a glass of apple juice. “Blow on the soup before you eat it.”

“Okay. But is Hux —“

“Look, Rey ... me and Hux had a fight,” Ben confessed, looking down at the table. He had no idea why he was telling this to Rey, of all people; except maybe he was at the point where he just had to get it out. “I said some bad things and I hurt his feelings. So that’s why he doesn’t come over.”

“Did you say you’re sorry?”

Ben shook his head. “No. What if I say I’m sorry and he’s STILL mad at me? Then what?”

“Then you say sorry again, and you say sorry AGAIN, and you keep saying it ‘til he’s not mad anymore.”

Ben smiled and reached over, running his fingers through her soft hair. “You think so?”

Rey nodded. “Yeah. Mommy says you say sorry when you love someone because it makes you both feel better. You love Hux, right?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Then you have to say sorry. And you have to bring him a present.”

Ben chuckled. “What kind of present?”

“A pizza?”

Ben’s chuckle turned into a loud laugh. “A pizza? Seriously?”

“Yeah. Or waffles. But you have to put cool whip on top like daddy does.”

He ruffled her hair and went back to the stove, his appetite having come back enough to make a grilled cheese for himself. “I’ll keep that in mind, kid. Now eat your food before it gets cold.”

** ** **

“One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. Okay a blue fish is probably a blue gill, but what in the world is a red fish? A salmon? But salmon is more pink than out-and-out red. Sounds like the book needs to be revised. What do you think?”

Millicent just stared at him, and Hux sighed. 

Another Saturday spent doing laundry, homework, and making food. He’d recently watched several videos about the health and time-saving benefits of making one meal (breakfast, lunch, or dinner) ahead of time for an entire week, called ‘meal-prepping’, and he was attempting this now. This upcoming week’s lunch (that he’d take to school) consisted of baked tilapia fillets (hence why he’d been chanting the Dr. Suess poem about fish), roasted red potatoes, broccoli, and a miniature ear of corn on the cob. But the special containers that Hux bought weren’t quite big enough to accommodate the whole ear, so Hux was carefully shucking the kernels off into one of the little plastic wells.

Everything neat, everything separate, everything organized.

Everything ... boring.

As much as he tried not to think about it, he wondered what he would be doing right then if he and Ben were still together. Ben had a flair for being spontaneous and surprising Hux with new and interesting things to do.

About three months ago, for example, they had started off driving to the movies, but ended up in a large outdoor field at the county’s fair grounds, where experts were giving free hot air ballon rides to the first 100 people that showed up.

Luck always appeared to be on Ben’s side, as well, because he and Hux had made it in at numbers 99 and 100.

Going up into the air, the feeling of weightlessness and floating without restraints or attachment had been enough to nearly give Hux a panic attack. But Ben had been kind, and patient, holding his hand and talking to him in that deep, soothing voice of his. Eventually Hux had calmed himself enough to actually look over the edge, and the view he saw was so amazingly gorgeous that he often dreamt about it.

But no more gorgeous, of course, than Ben’s face.

“But that’s really all he is,” Hux said aloud to himself now, as the timer on the oven dinged. He pulled the tray of potatoes out; still a little undercooked. He drizzled more olive oil over the top and put the tray back in, setting the timer for another five minutes. “A pretty face, attached to an awful person.”

But WAS Ben really that awful? 

Hux often replayed the day of their fight over and over in his mind, trying to assess where the blame lay. Obviously, Ben had severely crossed the line in saying what he said; but Hux couldn’t help but feel like _he_ was at fault, too.

He should have ended his study group when Ben had wanted him to.

He should have blocked Rick’s number months ago.

And, most importantly, he should have said —

The timer dinged again, and Hux took the tray back out of the oven. Next he slid in the broccoli, with just a fine sprinkle of shredded cheddar cheese over the top.

“Telling someone that you love them has got to be the most ridiculous thing in the world,” Hux muttered, as he began separating the potatoes into the wells. “And really dangerous, if you think about it. As soon as you say it you get shackled to the person you’re saying it to. They own a part of you. And that means they have the power to really, really hurt you. Like Rick. Like Ben.”

The potatoes divided, Hux took the baking sheet to the sink, slowly scrubbing it with soap and water.

 _But Ben had had every right to be angry, Armitage,_ he thought to himself, continuing to wash as he absently stared out the kitchen window. _First the thing with the dog shelter, then seeing his ex’s privates in his boyfriends texts. If I opened up his phone and found a naked picture of Phasma, how would I have reacted?_

The pan done, he set it to dry on the rack, then left the kitchen to take his clothes out of the washer and put them into the dryer.

He was also washing some clothes of his father’s. He wanted Brendol to look nice, for his date.

Brendol had recently started seeing a woman, Amy, who worked in the office next door to his, and that made Hux happy; after all, his dad had been single since the day Hux’s mother had died, and that was over a decade ago. Hux had met the woman, and, although she was quite shy, it was obvious she really liked Brendol.

Plus he wanted his dad to have a distraction, so that he wouldn’t think to ask what was going on with Hux and Ben.

He’d tried it once, after about a week of Ben not coming around the house anymore; but Hux had been dodgy with his answer, and Brendol had left it alone.

But now that damn boat was close to being done, and Brendol had been talking about how he and Han wanted to bring the two families to the lake, Amy included, for its inaugural voyage. 

But how was Hux going to take that? To be out on that small boat with nowhere to hide, no possible way to avoid seeing or talking to Ben?

He did a pretty good job of it at school; he parked in a completely different lot from where Ben parked, he chose different routes to class, and the few classes that they shared, Hux moved his seat so that they were at least 5 desks apart from each other.

Not that Ben seemed to notice, or to care. And why would be? HE had been the one to leave, after all. HE had been the one to liken what Hux had considered to be a thing of beauty to the relationship between a john and a prostitute. 

“He said I treated him like a hooker because I had sex with him but never said I loved him,” Hux muttered, as he took the broccoli from the oven. “But I think he got that backwards. He was only saying he loved me because he thought doing so would make me more willing to take him into my bed. There was no possible way he actually loved me, because —“

Because what was there to love about him, anyway? The uptightness, the OCD-like habits?

The way he was constantly correcting Ben on the things he said, or claimed, or did?

The fact that something as simple as leaving his bed unmade and going to school gave him a literal headache the entire day?

Rick couldn’t stand these things about him, and he’d tell Hux about his flaws every chance he got.

But Ben —

Ben would roll his eyes, maybe, but he never laughed at or scorned the things Hux corrected him about.

Ben would help Hux make his bed.

When they’d slept together, afterwards, Ben would put both arms around Hux and hold him, kiss him, caress him like he was the most precious and beautiful person in the world. Not the thin, scrawny, pale ginger that Hux saw in the mirror, but like he was the God of the Sun himself. He’d listened to Hux talk about his mother, and held Hux when he cried from the hurt of missing her.

Even when he was teasing Hux, there was nothing cruel or malicious about his jabs. They were gentle, and soft; the kind of kidding that you give to someone that you — that you —

“That you love,” Hux murmured; and suddenly he couldn’t see his tray anymore. He couldn’t see anything anymore; all he knew was that the tears were blurring his eyes, and the heart that he tried to deny having for so long felt like it was cracking in two.

 _Why the fuck am I crying over a guy that once told me he believed that he could telepathically communicate with his dog? What kind of weird, psycho, make-believe bullshit is that, anyway? Almost a goddamn adult but I swear half the time Rey has a more realistic mindset than he does!_

Upon hearing the thoughts in his head, he abruptly stopped crying and started to laugh. He laughed so hard that he startled the cat, who took off for the quiet sanity of the living room. Offering an explanation for his behavior to the empty kitchen, Hux said, still laughing,

“Great; I’ve somehow managed to pick up his foul mouth. That guy was a pain in the ass; literally and figuratively.”

_But still ... I’d give anything to have that pain back._

—

“Long time no see.”

Hux looked up, and his face immediately slid into an expression of displeasure.

“What do you want?”, he asked, as Rick slid into the booth across from him.

It was after school several days later, and Hux, not wanting to go home to an empty house, had stopped off at the IHOP a few blocks down from the school. And of course, just after he’d ordered, who should happen to show up but —

“I just want to talk. We can talk, can’t we?”

The waitress came over, and Rick gave her a drink order, before turning back to Hux and waiting for his answer.

“I’ve really got nothing to say to you. Just the sight of you is making me lose my appetite.”

Rick grinned. “You were never one to mince words, were you? Hey, did you get the pic I sent a few weeks ago?”

“Yeah. Thanks; that completely messed up my relationship.”

“Aw; was that tall kid threatened by seeing such magnificence? Can’t say I blame him.”

Hux rolled his eyes, and was about to get to his feet when Rick reached out and lightly touched his arm, stopping him.

“Look, I’m sorry, but ... I can’t help it. I’ve had you on my mind so much lately. I miss you.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Hux said, listlessly. In truth he felt so tired and dispirited that he couldn’t care less what this guy was saying to him. “If you honestly believe that I’m stupid enough to fall for that, then you don’t know me at all.”

“I realize that I made a lot of mistakes when we were together, Armie, but you know what? Real, true love is about overcoming your mistakes together, and becoming stronger because of them.”

“I don’t call you cheating on me, multiple times, with multiple people, a ‘mistake’. I call it an intentional and malicious act of cruelty. I may not have been a perfect boyfriend, but when I was with you, I was _with **you**_. I wasn’t screwing around with anyone that would drop their pants for me.”

The waitress brought Rick’s drink, and he quickly ordered some pancakes and hash browns, before turning back to Hux.

“You’re right. And I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry that I hurt you like I did. But, and be completely honest; not _everything_ was bad, was it? I mean, didn’t we have some really nice times together?”

Hux sighed and nodded. “Yeah. We did. But you know something? ‘Nice times’ go away real quick when you find love letters from other people in your boyfriends’ jean pocket. They go away when you’re out with your boyfriend and someone from his school comes up to you in public and your boyfriend introduces you as ‘my buddy’. And you know what,” he said, significantly lowering his voice, “‘Nice times’ disappear entirely when you’re sitting in a cold chair in a small, windowless room while a nurse sticks a needle in you to draw your blood to test you for terrifying diseases, that you wouldn’t be worried about in the first place if your boyfriend, who claims to ‘love and respect’ you so much, could keep his dick in his pants.”

“Hux —“

Hux stood up, and set a few singles down on the table for his soda.

“Don’t ever contact me again, Rick. I’m blocking your number and if you try to talk to me or message me from a different one, I’m reporting you to the police for harassment. Take care, and I hope you can get your life and your priorities together before it’s too late.”

He didn’t feel as good as he should have, leaving the restaurant. He didn’t feel any better driving down to the lake, he didn’t feel any better getting out and walking along the sandy shore, staring at the tranquil waters.

 _Ben’s eyes are like the water_ , Hux found himself thinking, as he kicked up little bits of sand and rocks. _Not the color, but the changing. You can come to the lake a thousand times in a day and the water wouldn’t be the same each time. Sometimes it’s light, sometimes dark, sometimes violent and sometimes calm. But always, always changing. And beautiful. Maybe ... maybe I should ..._

“Hux!”

Hux turned his head, startled. A small girl was charging at him from several yards away, and Hux smiled when he realized who it was.

“Rey!”, he exclaimed, scooping her up into his arms. She hugged him so tightly he could hardly breathe, and when she let go, he asked,

“What are you doing here?”

Rey pointed at the woman who was watching them, standing by the pier with a small group of other kids playing in the sand. “That’s Finn’s mom. She’s watching me and Finn and Rose this week. Today is beach day! Finn’s mom said it’s too cold for the water, but we can make sandcastles and find buried treasure!”

Hux smiled. “That sounds like fun. How come she’s watching you, though?”

“My daddy went to see my uncle Lando and my mommy has to work late every day.”

“What about your brother?”

“Ben is busy. Mommy says his finale is coming and he needs quiet time so he can study.”

Hux grinned. “Do you mean ‘finals’?”

Rey nodded. “Yeah. Hux can you come over soon?”

“Um, I don’t know —“

“Ben is sorry. He said he said bad things and you’re mad at him but he’s sorry.”

Hux sighed and patted her hair. “You think so?”

Rey nodded again. “Yeah.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a stone, pink and smooth. “I told him to give you a present. Can you pretend this is his present and come over again? Please?”

Before Hux could answer, Finn’s mother was calling her, and Rey quickly hugged Hux’s legs again, before taking off.

“Don’t forget to come over!”, she called out, her long hair flying out behind her. “I’ve got new crayons; we can color!”

Hux stood there and watched her and the other kids for a while more, before pocketing his present and heading back to his car.


	7. Chapter 7

“I want that one!”

“Well, too bad, kid,” Ben said, smirking. “If you can’t reach it, you ain’t getting it. We’re getting _this_ one.”

“Mom! Make Ben reach mine for me!”

“Sorry, dears, but both of you are wrong; we’re getting THIS,” Leia said, reaching for a plain-colored box of cereal and setting it in the cart. “You both could do with less sugar and more fiber in your diets.”

Both Ben and Rey groaned, and followed after their mother into the next aisle.

It was after school, and Leia, home from work early for a change, announced that she was going to the grocery store, and that Ben and Rey were going with her.

Rey had run to put on her shoes right away, but Ben held back. “Why do I have to go?”

“To reach the things on the top shelves for me.”

“Can’t you just lift Rey up to do that?”

“And break my arms? Why would I do that when I can just get my big, strong, handsome son to go with me?”, she asked, pinching his cheeks.

So here they were. Rey was running ahead of the cart, asking for any and everything, and Ben was trudging along quietly beside Leia.

“So, I don’t know if I had a chance to tell you yet, but I’m proud of you, baby,” she said, as she studied the back of a can of beans.

“Huh?”

“Your report card came two days ago. You went up a grade in four subjects.”

“Oh, yeah? That’s cool.”

Leia glanced at him; with as much as she and Han got on Ben’s case about his grades, it was obvious that she thought he’d be happier about her revelation. 

“We should celebrate; how about I make a special dinner tonight? Anything you want.”

“You don’t have to do that. It’s not a big deal.”

“Yes it is. What would my boy like?”

Ben just shrugged. “Whatever you make is always good, mom.”

“Mommy, can I go there?”, Rey asked, pointing towards the end of the aisle, where a woman was giving out free samples of store-brand pizza on little plates.

“Go ahead.”

Rey raced ahead, and Leia asked, as she picked up a bag of rice, “How are you doing, honey?”

“Good. Why?”

“I don’t know; you’ve seemed a little down lately. Not quite yourself. Is there anything going on that —“

“I’m fine, mom. Really.”

Leia sighed. “I worry sometimes, baby. Han and I work so much, and I know we’re not there for you and Rey as much as we should be. Maybe if I was around more, you’d feel more like you could open up and tell me things.”

“You’re around a lot, mom. Me and Rey understand you have to work. And there’s nothing to open up about.”

“So there’s nothing you want to say about Armitage?”

Ben blinked; hearing Hux’s name always felt like a slap in the face, now.

“Hux is fine.”

“Hux is fine, you’re fine, but you’re not fine together. That sweetie hasn’t come around the house in a few weeks, now. I miss him.”

“Yeah. Me, too.”

They had caught up to Rey, who had finessed the woman out of three samples, instead of the standard one; and now she was taking off for a sample stand of different sorbets in tiny cups.

“Did you two have a fight?”, Leia asked him, gently.

Ben nodded. 

“His fault?”

“ _My_ fault. I said some incredibly stupid shit, and he’s mad, and he has every right to be mad.”

He waited for her to reprimand his language, but she didn’t. Leia was quiet for a few moments; they were by the bread now, and Leia was picking different loaves up to inspect the expiration dates.

“I won’t ask if you apologized or not,” she said, eventually. “If you had, I’d be seeing him. That’s something else I’ve done wrong by you; you get that stubbornness from me. I hate, I mean I really truly _hate_ , admitting when I’m wrong. And you’re a lot like me.”

“It’s not being stubborn; it’s just, I’m scared.”

“Scared, how?”

“Because right now, there’s still a chance, you know? I can sit in my room and think that when I say I’m sorry, everything will go back to how it was. But as soon as I stop thinking about it, and I actually go to him, anything can happen. And what if the something that happens is bad? What if Hux thinks I’m a horrible person no matter what I say to him, and then we can’t even be friends anymore?”

“That’s a difficult thing, isn’t it?”, Leia said, as they turned into the fresh produce aisle. From there they could see Rey, who had stumbled onto ANOTHER sample booth, this one giving popcorn in a plastic bowl. “Fear of the unknown is probably the scariest thing in the world. But Ben, nothing will happen if you don’t go to him at all. And wouldn’t you rather have something rather than nothing at all?”

Ben gave a shaky sigh, and nodded. “I would. You’re right. I’m going to stop being a pussy about this and talk to him. Just ... let me do it when I’m ready, please. Don’t do something weird like invite him for dinner then lock us in the basement or something.”

Leia grinned, and gave Ben a little half-hug. “Okay; deal. Now, have you given any thought to tonight’s dinner?”

“What about this?”, Ben asked, holding up a package of large, multi-colored bell peppers. “Stuffed with rice, meat, sauce and cheese? You haven’t made these in a while. I really like them. There’s 10 here so we’d have two each, plus two left over.”

“Really? Okay; let’s go back for the meat and sauce, then. And to get your sister before she bursts herself.”

Ben chuckled at that. “So which one of you does she get that bottomless pit stomach from? You or dad?”

“Actually, I’d say she gets that entirely from YOU.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. Do you remember that time your dad left you alone for ten minutes in the kitchen, and he came back and you’d eaten more than half of the cake I’d made for my work potluck?”

Ben blushed. “I don’t recall.”

At that moment, Rey came up to them, and from the way she was walking, it was obvious she’d had one free sample too many.

“Are we going home now?”, she asked, her hand on her small belly.

“We’re almost done. We have to get things to make stuffed peppers for your brother.”

Rey’s eyes lit up. “Stuffed peppers? I love those! Mommy can I have a yellow one?!”

Ben looked at her in disbelief. “Wait — aren’t you full??”

“But you said that there’s always room for more food,” Rey said, seriously. Ben and Leia looked at each other, then burst out laughing at the same time.

“Maybe you’re right; she DOES get it from me.”

“What do I get from you?”

“Nothing.” 

“Mommy my legs are tired. Can I ride in the cart?”

“There’s no room, honey. But we’re almost —“

Ben lowered himself to the ground, saying, “Hop on board, sis.”

Rey scrambled unto her brother’s back, and the two continued to follow their mother.

— —

“I don’t get it; what am I doing wrong?”

Hux took the pencil and pointed to the set of numbers. “When you add this, you also have to subtract it from the other side. You only add. If you don’t subtract, the equation won’t be in balance.”

The boy sighed, and Hux smiled a little, upon remembering how hard this kind of problem _used_ to be for him.

When the quiet, somewhat skittish Jerry Carlson had asked Hux to help tutor him for a week in algebra, to prepare for a big test they had coming up, Hux had agreed. After all, what else did he have to do these days?

And Jerry was a fairly good student; a steady learner, and patient with himself and his mistakes.

They were at Jerry’s house. His mother was in the kitchen and his brothers (a rambunctious set of 12 year old twins) were playing kickball with some neighbor kids in the backyard.

“Hey, so, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Um, well, that guy I always saw you with around school ... are you guys still together?”

Hux bit his lower lip, and set down his pencil. “To be honest ... I have no clue. I mean, we haven’t said a word to each other in almost a month, so —“

“Then ... if you’re not sure, or if you guys are ‘on a break’ ... do you maybe want to go out with me sometime? Maybe, Saturday, to the movies?”

Hux blinked, genuinely surprised. He usually had a good sense of intuition about guys who were like himself, but Jerry had flown completely under Hux’s radar.

And Jerry ...

Jerry was a nice guy. He was smart, and studious. He always smelled good and he had a friendly family.

But.

“I’m really flattered, but, until I know for sure what’s going on with me and Ben, I’ll have to give you a rain check on that. Okay?”

Jerry nodded, and his face was burning a bright red. Hux felt bad; it’d clearly taken him a lot of courage to work up the nerve to ask him that.

“That’s cool,” Jerry replied; and the two continued on with their studying.

Afterwards, Jerry’s mom had offered to drive Hux home, but Hux said he’d be fine walking. The weather was just starting to get nice again with the coming of spring, and the air was alive with the scent of grass, flowers, and various neighbors burning the leaves left over from the previous fall, before the snow fell.

More and more lately, Hux found himself attracted to being outdoors. The more he moved around, the more sounds and smells and visuals he took in, the less he had to think. And his thoughts had been centered around something else distracting, lately; the idea that he could go out for the track team, in the fall.

“I’d have to practice for a long time beforehand,” Hux muttered to himself now, as he neared his own block. “My endurance probably isn’t what it should be. 

In his head, he began planning out a running routine to start after the weekend. As he turned the corner, he glanced up, and happened to see the Solo car pulling into their driveway, and the family, minus Han, getting out.

As Hux watched, Mrs. Solo opened the trunk, and her kids began to carry in grocery bags. Hux sighed wistfully; amongst other things, he missed Mrs. Solo’s cooking. Hux’s father was a poor chef, and Hux could make decent-tasting food, but it wasn’t anywhere near the delicious caliber of Leia’s.

After a few moments of watching, he continued on to his house, thinking to himself.

_Ben sure does look good. He ALWAYS looks good. I thought break-ups were supposed to mess a person up, but it doesn’t look like Ben’s affected at all._

Hux reached his house, and he turned the key in the lock, opening the back door. His father was still at work but Millicent was there, and she strolled into the kitchen, purring to meet her master.

“Hi, Milly,” Hux said, setting his backpack on the kitchen table before crouching down. Gently scratching behind her ears, he asked, “Did you miss me?”

The cat rubbed against his hand, her tail swishing in response.

Hux went up to his room, to change into sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. He didn’t really feel like starting his own homework yet, so what better than to start his running?

“I think I’ll go to that one park, the one with the long path around the pond. That’s gotta be at least a mile, all told,” Hux said to himself, as he headed back down the stairs. He refilled Millicent’s food dish and gave her fresh water before heading out, where he ran into his father, pulling into the driveway.

“Where are you going?”

Hux explained about wanting to join track, and the training he was setting for himself, to which Hux the elder smiled.

“Good! A boy should be on a team at least once. If you want to wait a few minutes, I can give you a ride there; I’m going to change my clothes then go pick up Amy. We’re going to see a movie.”

But Hux shook his head. “Thanks, but I’ll just walk. I’ll be home in an hour or so. Have fun with Amy.”

“Hey, son ... you know you’re welcome to join us, right? I mean, Amy wants to get to know you better, and —“

“Some other time, dad,” Hux interrupted, and was about to take off when his father called “Wait!”

Hux turned back around. “Yes?”

“Er, Amy’s older sister and her nephew are coming to visit her next week. Her nephews name is Dylan. He’s only about a year older than you, and Amy tells me that he’s like — I mean you and him are both — um, do you want me to see if maybe, he wants to meet you?”

Hux blinked, and wasn’t quite sure whether to be amused or horrified by this. Was — was his dad trying to hook him up?

And Christ — when was the last time Brendol Hux had BLUSHED like this? 

“Er, thanks, dad; but I’ll pass. I’ll see you later, okay?”

He left before his father could embarrass him any more, shaking his head. There was no way that his father had thought of saying something like that on his own; it had to have been Amy.

He liked Amy, and thought she was a good match for his father ... but seeing the two of them together was a tiny bit painful, for varying reasons. The first, as childish as this was, was that Hux, in some small part of his mind, still thought of his parents as being married. As nice as Amy was, as sweet, it was difficult seeing her standing in the place that used to be his mother’s.

And the second was that Brendol and Amy seemed so happy together ... and that happiness just highlighted Hux’s own misery, at not being with the one who made HIM happy.

Oh, well.

There were other things for Hux to focus on.

 _Maybe I SHOULD meet this Dylan guy_ , he thought to himself as he approached the park. _Or go to the movies with Jerry this weekend. Considering my track record with boyfriends, it’s not like I can possibly do any worse._

— —

“Hey.”

“Hey. What are you doing here?”

Hux had looked up in surprise. It was about 45 minutes later, and Hux was completely exhausted from his laps around the park, he was sitting on one of the benches with a water bottle, trying to work up the energy to go again, when who should appear out of nowhere but —

“I went to your house, your dad was leaving and he told me you were coming here to run. You starting a new exercise thing?”, Ben asked, sitting down beside him.

Hux shrugged, and wiped his sweaty face with the hem of his shirt. “Not really. I was thinking of going out for the track team next semester, so I’m trying to gradually build up my stamina.”

“Oh, okay. That’s smart.”

Hux nodded, and then an awkward silence fell between them. This was supremely weird; they hadn’t spoken in so long, and here they were having a casual conversation as if nothing had happened. Eventually Hux broke the quiet by asking, “Why were you at my house?”

“I ... wanted to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes?”

“Of course.”

Taking a deep breath, Ben said, “I just need to say that I’m sorry. For a lot of shit — er, _stuff_. I shouldn’t have been looking in your phone without your permission, I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did to that text. And Hux, please believe me, I’m so, so sorry that I made that stupid comment. I know you better than that , I know that I can trust you and you’re not that kind of person. The only excuse I can give is that I was really fucking, er, _freaking_ upset. But that still gave me no right to say those things.”

Hux gave him a wry smile. “‘Freaking’? Are you trying not to curse?”

“Yeah. My mom says a shitty, er, a crappy mouth makes you sound stupid, and I think she’s right. And I’ve been doing enough stupid things as-is.”

“Agreed. But as stupid as you’ve been, I owe you an apology too.”

“For what?”

“You asked me to tell you I loved you, I couldn’t say it. You invested yourself pretty hard in this relationship, and at the very least you deserved to hear that from me. So I’m sorry.”

“I can’t accept that, Armitage,”

“You can’t accept what?”

“That apology. Because ... you know what your flaw is? You give too much. You give too much of yourself to other people. It’s what’s making you feel like you owe me an apology when you don’t, it’s probably what made him stay with a guy like Rick for as long you did. You didn’t need to say you love me; you SHOWED me how much you loved me literally all the time. It’s MY problem for not seeing that sooner, NOT yours. Okay? Do you understand?”

“Ben —“

“Something else, too, that I’ve been really thinking about, that you might need to hear. Never in my life, like NEVER, did I think I could feel for a guy what I’d only felt for girls. But I don’t think how I feel about you has much to do with your gender; it’s just **you**. Either you don’t think it or you don’t realize it, but you’re the best possible person in this whole universe. So don’t put up with anyone who treats you like how Rick did, and don’t put up with the bullshit I give you. Because you’re worth a whole lot more than that, Hux.”

Hux didn’t answer; rather, he scooted over on the bench and put his hand on Ben’s shoulder.

“I’ve really missed you, Ben. If you don’t want an apology, can I give you a better explanation , for WHY —

“You don’t have to. At all.”

“Okay, then, I WANT to. So listen. Um, you can probably guess that me and my dad rarely say it to each other. But ... I said it to mom all the time, and she died. I said it to Rick all the time, and that ended badly. And I know, I KNOW it’s stupid, I know it’s completely irrational, but Ben, you know me. You know that I can’t just do things without really thinking about them first, and you know that I follow patterns. And my pattern for telling people I love them has ended badly approximately 66% of the time. And I didn’t want that to happen with you.”

Here he paused, and gave a ragged little chuckle, before continuing, “But I guess I messed up the statistics either way. I never said it to you, and you left anyway, huh?”

“Hux ... that was a huge mistake, and I regret it. You’re in my mind so much that you may as well fucking LIVE there. And you’re so goddamn weird and you have all these old-man habits and — and I love them. And you. If you think I’m stupid for saying this, I won’t blame you, but ... do you think you can give me another chance?”, he asked, then held his breath, afraid of what Hux’s answer might be.

So naturally he was surprised when Hux started to laugh.

“What the hell —?”

“Ben ... you say I’M weird?!”, Hux exclaimed, still laughing. “You just walked out of your house, IN PUBLIC, wearing a Scooby Doo hoodie and pink sweatpants! AND CROCS! Give me a sec, I need to call the fashion police!”

Ben scowled and hit Hux’s arm. “You’re a real asshole, making fun of me after I pour my heart out like this.”

Hux managed to stop laughing long enough to fold Ben into a hug. And Ben could have cried, Hux’s arms felt so nice and soft around him.

“I ... love you a lot, you stupid jerk,” Hux murmured softly into his ear. “But I’m not comfortable with saying it all the time, like you. If this relationship is going to go any further, I need you to be able to accept that. Can you?”

Ben nodded, and kissed Hux’s cheek. “I can. And I love you, too. Can you forgive me?”

“Yes.”

Ben breathed out a sigh of relief, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny box.

“Rey said I should get you a present, so I got you this. I found this at that flea market, the one they have every Saturday in Wilmot. Mom made me go.”

Hux opened the box. Inside was a pretty silver ring in the shape of a dolphin, with faux emeralds (Hux’s birthstone) for eyes.

“Aw; this is so sweet!”

Ben took the ring from the box and slid it over Hux’s finger. “The stones aren’t real, but the silver is, so you won’t have to worry about your finger turning green. I thought this would make a good promise ring. As in, I promise I won’t screw up like this ever again.”

Hux smiled and put his hands on Ben’s cheeks, gently tugging his face close for a kiss. “I’ll wear this until my finger falls off. Thank you.”, he said, before capturing Ben in another hug.

It was a while before they could take their arms from around each other, but when they did, Ben pulled back and said, with a smirk,

“You look _really_ cute in your jogging clothes.”

Hux blushed. “Stop; I look like a sweaty mess.”

“A hot, sweaty mess.”

Hux sighed. “At this rate, I’m never going to be ready to try out for the team. I feel exhausted and I’ve only run about 4 laps so far.”

“How do you breathe when you run?”

“What?”

“Your breathing technique is important. The wrong breathing can wear you out before you even hit your stride. Like, okay, to calm down when you’re upset you breathe in through just your nose, hold it, then let it out through your mouth, right? But when you run you need to breathe in with both your nose and mouth, at the same time, because it maximizes the air in your diaphragm. It doesn’t sound the best, kinda like you’re snoring, actually, but —“

“How in the world do you know all this?”

“My dad used to be on the football team in college. I’ve listened to years of boring bullshit ‘training’ techniques.”

“What happened to not cursing?”

“Okay; horse-crap training techniques. Better?”

Hux leaned over and hugged him. “Much better, my dear, foul-mouthed darling.” He stood up, stretching, as he continued, “Do you want to take a lap with me?”

Ben stood up as well. “Sure.”

They began a slow jog around the trail, and after a few moments, Ben said, “So Rey’s birthday is next Saturday. Mom’s inviting all of her classmates and dad’s renting one of those bouncy-house-castle things. Cake and stuff too. Rey keeps asking if you’re coming. Are you?”

“Tell her I’ll be there with bells on. Actually, I’ll tell her myself; I’m coming back to your house after we finish here.”

“Really?!”

“Yep. Actually dad is out with his girlfriend so I’m hoping to score an invite to dinner.”

“You’re in luck; moms making stuffed peppers and corn bread. She’ll be super excited to see you.”

“Good.”

They’d finished their lap, and Hux said, “Please tell me you drove here. My legs are about to give out.”

Ben shook his head. “Sorry, I walked. But —“, he started, then lifted Hux off of his feet. “I’ll gladly carry you home.”

Although Hux’s arms automatically tightened around Ben, he still felt the need to say, “Its at least half a mile between here and home. There’s no way you’ll be able to carry me that far.”

“How ‘bout you give me some incentive, then?”, he asked with a smirk, as he headed for the park entrance. “IF I get you all the way home without putting you down, you owe me 100 kisses. One for each day we’ve been apart.”

“We haven’t been apart that long, Ben. Honestly, do you have no concept of time? At the very MOST it’s been —“

Ben kissed him, gently, to shut him up. “I think I’ll take the first one now, as a down payment,” he said, grinning at Hux’s blushing face. “Have I mentioned yet how cute you’re looking today?”

“You did. Have I mentioned yet that stuffed peppers are one of my favorite foods in the world?”

“You didn’t.”

“Well, my growling stomach and I have an offer for you. If you can pick up the pace and get us there faster, I’ll double it to 200 kisses; not all of which will be on the lips.”

“Then where else —“

Hux leaned close and whispered into Ben’s ear. Bens eyes grew wide, and he raced down the sidewalks at full-speed, Hux laughing in his arms.


End file.
